Naruto Puberty and Ninja Stuff II
by Niko Si Mamu
Summary: As Taka return once more they must come to terms with their battle with Madara and the wounds left. Both phyiscally and mentally. As well as trying to patch things up again in the leaf. Sequel to Naruto- Puberty and Ninja Stuff
1. Chapter 1

**Naruto-Puberty and Ninja Stuff II**

A Naruto Fanfic

A humorous version of the future

Involving lots of pubic stuff

By Niko SiMamu

Rated M (ooh)

Sequel Time!

Chapter 1: Scar Face Uchiha

_A year and a half after the events that took place in the previous story:_

_It's another time skip, Wahoo!_

Four seventeen year old boys walked towards the leaf village. They all wore black cloaks with hoods.

"We're back" the one on the left middle said.

"Seems like we never left" the one to his right said, of who carried a large scroll on his back.

"But we did" the first one said.

"And we paid the price" the one on the other side of the second speaker said.

"But now we're out of the Akatsuki" the one with the big sword responded.

"We're still wanted. Just because we're not in the Akatsuki doesn't mean we're not wanted. We committed crimes" the first speaker told them.

"_**You**_ committed crimes, we were just silent witnesses" the one with the big sword argued.

"Funny, that's not how I remember it" the first speaker replied.

"You must be dying soon as you seem to be going old" the one with the big sword responded.

"So how do we get in?" the third speaker asked as they reached the gate.

"We break it down" the first speaker replied.

The first speaker pulled his arms out from his cloak and performed some hand signals.

"Fire ball jutsu!" he cried as flames soared out of his mouth at the gate. As the flames cleared the gate remained the way it was before.

"Oh, wow, good job-"the one with the big sword mocked.

"Sssh..." the first speaker ordered as he pulled a chokutō from his cloak and sliced through the gate. The gate shattered into pieces, "the gate was highly flammable. Once it had been touched by fire my blade could cut through it. And _**destroy**_ it."

The four entered through the gate. They were met by no one.

"Strange" the first speaker muttered.

"You think something's up?" the third speaker asked.

"No," he replied, "I _**know**_ something's up." As he said this, in a dark tone, he lifted his head up to reveal dangling raven bangs over scarred eyes. But what struck you the most about his face was the sharingan in his eyes.

"What do you see, Sasuke?" the last one said, he was a lot taller than the others and spoke with a calm, rationale sounding, voice.

"_**Naruto**_" he replied and pulled his chokutō out once more.

"It's been a while, Sasuke; Suigetsu; Zed; Juugo" a spiky blonde in an orange jumpsuit said as he came out from behind a tree.

"It has. You've changed, but you're still like Justin Bieber" Sasuke mocked.

"What do you mean 'I'm still like Justin Bieber'? I take great offence to that" Naruto shouted.

"Guess your _straight_ then, glad we solved that mystery." Sasuke replied and spoke with his team in a hushed chatter.

"So it was all just a test?" Naruto asked.

"No, it's because your voice hasn't broke and you're seventeen!" Sasuke replied, "Are you taking hormone-negating drugs too?"

"No! It's all natural!" Naruto replied.

"He sounds like his talking about his big boobs being real" Suigetsu whispered to Zed, of who chuckled gently. "Speaking of big boobs how's Miss Tsunade? Still f**king Madara?" Suigetsu asked Naruto.

"What? Madara? F**king?" Naruto demanded.

"Nothing, but how is she?" Suigetsu asked.

"Fine" Naruto replied slowly.

"Still big boobed without any sag?" Suigetsu asked once more.

"What?" Naruto said, confused.

"Nothing, I forgot you didn't understand sex and puberty, etc." Suigetsu replied.

"Okay" Naruto said, still confused and still speaking slowly.

"Where's Sakura?" Sasuke asked.

"With Rock Lee, her _**boyfriend**_" Naruto replied.

"What?" Sasuke demanded, "How?"

"Sakura couldn't wait forever, you know. Your chance with her is gone, man. You should have stayed or came back sooner" Naruto replied.

"Whoa!" Suigetsu whispered to the others.

Sasuke remained silent for a while he processed and then said: "I see, I'm happy for her."

"Really, oh my god, Sasuke, I was kidding!" Naruto shouted and then burst out laughing.

"You b*****d!" Sasuke shouted and grabbed him by his throat ala the Simpsons.

"Dude, I'm sorry! Lighten up, man!" Naruto cried.

Sasuke let go of him and sighed while Naruto rubbed his throat and breathed heavily. Sasuke pulled his hood down and faced Naruto.

"I'm sorry I didn't come back sooner" he said.

"What happened to your face...?" Naruto replied as he stared at Sasuke's face.

Sasuke, as promised, hadn't cut his hair since his last visit. He held most of it in a ponytail that went to the end of his spine. He had bangs covering his eyes and on the sides going down to the end of his head. He no longer had a chicken butt at the back but it instead went down into the ponytail. He looked like Itachi.

The most striking thing about his face was the _**scars**_. He had an x-shaped scar over his left eye and two long thin ones on his right cheek. He also had light burns around his eyes. They were permanent scars like Kakashi's eyes.

"What happened to you?" Naruto asked.

"Madara happened, Naruto. Madara happened. After leaving the village we went back in an attempt to _**kill him**_ because of what Tsume had said earlier. Even with four of us we didn't stand a chance. Since then we've been getting stronger and cleaning up the Akatsuki's mess where we can. Trying to clean our cases anyway we could. That and while I tried to summon the courage to come back. I would've been better off staying here." Sasuke told him, "Frankly I suffered the worst injuries."

Naruto turned to the rest of Taka with gaping eyes. They all took their cloaks off to show him.

Juugo had an x-shaped scar around his torso and a cut on each side of his cheeks. Zed had intense burns on both his arms and down the line on his back symbolising his spinal cord. Suigetsu had suffered the worst- relatively.

He had three scars on each cheek like gills but the worst injury was on his left arm. Or, rather what was his left arm. His lower left arm had been chopped off and so water had been used as a replacement and then frozen to stick to his arm and remain his arm, always having to use chakra to sustain the ice even in the sun's heat.

"S**t" Naruto said.

Sasuke nodded.

"So, what are you guys going to do now?" Naruto asked.

"Try and get Tsunade to let us back into the village, despite our crimes" Sasuke answered.

"You'll probably need Sakura and I for that" Naruto told him.

"Yeah, probably, so shall we go find her?" Sasuke replied.

"Yep" Naruto said. And they did so.

"Sakura, Sakura!" Naruto shouted as he ran to her.

"Naruto, what is it?" she said as he bounded up and down in front of her like a child.

"It's him, he's back! Sasuke's back!" Naruto replied.

"What?" she said, a shocked look painted across her face.

"He's back, Sakura! He's back!" Naruto replied, still bounding up and down.

Sasuke and Taka walked over, Sasuke had his head tipped downwards as he came from the back of Taka. His hair swayed in the wind as he walked over, his fringe so long you couldn't see his eyes and his _**scars**_.

"Sasuke" Sakura whispered.

"Sakura, it's been a while" Sasuke said as he lifted his head, the light playing upon his scared face.

"Oh my God, Sasuke, what happened to your face?" Sakura said after gasping and rushing over to him, holding his face in a cupped hand as she examined his scars with her medically correct eyes.

"Madara happened, Sakura. Madara happened" Sasuke replied.

"How?" she asked with a concerned tone.

"We went to try and wrong our sins and defeat him. We didn't stand a chance" Sasuke replied.

"I think I can heal the burns-"Sakura said but as she took her hand to his face he grabbed it and pushed it away.

"No" he said deeply, "I want to keep these scars so that every time I look in the mirror I remember my mistakes and how much of a fool I was."

As Taka and Team 7 left this area they went to a cafe to catch up and reminisce.

As they entered the cafe Taka pulled their hoods up, they still needed to get permission to be here. For now they were just guests visiting friends in the village from previous missions.

They sat a table in the corner of the room to be away from everyone. They sat like this:

Suigetsu-Zed

I

Sasuke

I

Juugo

I-Sakura-Naruto

"So, how's old Tsume?" said Suigetsu, starting conversation.

"He's good, still leading our ANBU team. Still the best but not as strong and missions aren't as easy without you guys" Naruto replied.

"And Lea?" Suigetsu asked.

"She left the team and now works on Shizune's special OPS team" Naruto answered, "she doesn't feel she can be in a team with such background and especially after the attempted retrieval. She wants nothing to do with us now."

"I see," Suigetsu replied, "and what of the other girl in that retrieval attempt team, that girl who's, supposedly, really strong?"

"You mean the girl you slept with instead of fighting like you were meant to?" Sasuke added, almost laughing.

"Yep" Suigetsu replied.

"Oh my God, you mean Ruusu Ken? You slept with her? I thought she was a lesbian; she's so anti-man 'n all!" Sakura cried out laughing.

"She's dating Tsume now" Naruto told him.

"Really? Good for her!" Sakura replied.

"Guess the two girls I stood a chance with here aren't interested. Oh well, there are other girls I suppose!" Suigetsu said.

After: ordering, talking; receiving their drinks and finishing their drinks, they decided it was time to leave. The meeting with Tsunade had been put off long enough. Now it was time to face what they came to do, however hard and unlikely it was of getting what they want.


	2. Chapter 2

**Naruto-Puberty and Ninja Stuff II**

A Naruto Fanfic

A humorous version of the future

Involving lots of pubic stuff

By Niko SiMamu

Rated M (ooh)

Sequel Time!

Chapter 2: The Hokage- Big Boobs

Sasuke took a deep breath and then exhaled. He lifted his hand slowly to the hokage's door. He lifted his hanging head and looked at the door intently. He took another deep breath and exhaled before, finally, bringing his hand to the door and making the life turning knock.

They head the banging of feet on the ground and behind the door and the click of the door as the door opened and on the other side stood ol' Big Boobs Hokage.

Lady Tsunade.

"... Sasuke Uchiha? What do _**you**_ want? And_** why **_are you here?" she demanded.

"I seek redemption. I seek closure. I seek friendship. I see family. I seek _**revenge**_. I seek a lot of things. But I am here today seeking permission to return to the leaf village and reinstate my duties. I wish to become a member of the leaf village and help in the fight against the Akatsuki," Sasuke replied, "will you grant me what I seek?"

"No!" Tsunade shouted and slammed the door shut.

"Well, that went well. Got to see a nice, _**huge**_, pair of tits, got to see them shake as a door was slammed and I saw Sasuke fall flat on his face- metaphorically" Suigetsu said, breaking a deadly silence.

"Do you ever shut up?" Zed muttered.

"I can't believe I almost missed you!" Sakura muttered also.

"I'm a very miscible person" Suigetsu replied.

"Yes, because you really don't stand out! You have silver hair; shark teeth; and a massive f**kin' sword on your back!" Zed told him.

"I'm not getting what you're saying" Suigetsu replied.

"I'm saying you stick out like a sore thumb" Zed answered.

"I never really understood that simile" Suigetsu said, trying to act wise and thoughtful.

"That's because you're an idiot" Zed reminded.

"You know, you can be a real pain in the ass" Suigetsu moaned.

"The feeling's mutual" Zed replied.

"What?"

"It means I feel the same way about you."  
"Oh."

And that was that.

Not because the conversation was over, in fact it was well and truly alive, but because Sakura interrupted them to the issue at hand.

"Would you two SHUT UP!" she cried.

They both went silent.

"Now, let_** me **_try reasoning with Tsunade. Maybe she'll listen to me because I'm her star pupil" Sakura said and knocked on the door.

Tsunade opened it once more and came face to face with her pupil. "Sakura, what a nice surprise, why are you he- oh, I see. You're with _**him**_" Tsunade said in spite.

"Tsunade, remember when he Yuri Ugarte in disguise. He was in our ANB squad and was what made missions easier. We've been desperately lacking someone like him, even with Ruusu now in our team. He was the one who did all the hard work while we sat back and relaxed" Sakura explained.

"So it's good for you to do some work" Tsunade said.  
"Hm... I should've worded that better..." Sakura muttered and then said: "but recently we failed a mission because we didn't have enough long distance fighters. We didn't have any. He provides that with his lightning and fire attacks, as does Zed."

"I see, but that doesn't necessarily get him off the hook. He's a criminal who's committed numerous crimes against peace. His organization started a war that killed many innocent people and we are still recovering. Not to mention he was a member of the criminal terrorist organization, the Akatsuki" Tsunade explained to her pupil.

"I was an associate. Not a member" Sasuke added.

"Do you have a ring?" Tsunade asked.

"Yes" Sasuke replied, holding up his hand to show her.

"Then you _**were**_, and in some ways_** are**_, a member" Tsunade told him.

"Please, Tsunade, I love him" Sakura said, tears welling up in her eyes.

"That's a big word that shouldn't be used lightly. Be careful before you go out saying that. You could regret it for the rest of your life" Tsunade said.

"Talk about turning the tables" Suigetsu whispered to Zed. Zed chuckled.

The two females turned to him with looks of distaste. "Are you finished?" Tsunade said with spite.

"Yep" Suigetsu replied, Zed looking at the floor while he looked everywhere else but at the women.

"Anyway, if that's how you feel then I suppose I can give him another chance but if he _**ever**_ goes against the village I will not hesitate to kill him" Tsunade told Sakura.

"Alrightey then" Sasuke said.

"What happened to your face?" Tsunade asked, only now noticing it.

"We tried to take down Madara after Tsume helped me come to some serious realizations about my past" Sasuke replied.

"Idiot," Tsunade muttered, "now come in so I can register you. You'll be rejoining Tsume's ANBU squad _again_. If you try anything that endangers the village I'll kill you quicker than you can say 'titties!' which I know is a commonly word, and the only thing ever on your mind, for your age group. I also know you spent most the time I was talking looking at my breasts."  
"Yeah, yeah" Suigetsu muttered- he wasn't really listening, his mind and concentration on other things to do with the current speaker.

Tsunade strolled over to him and dunked his head into her cleavage. His head stuck between the melons and inside the top. He made no sound but you could tell he was enjoying it. Because her boobs and his head could not both fit in her top the top burst and her breasts were exposed.

"S**t" Zed said.

"Dang, s**t" Sasuke said also.

"Boobies" Naruto murmured.

"Well said" Zed said.

"Those are some nice melons, shame she's fifty" Sasuke said.

"Fifty-four" Naruto corrected.

"Dang" Zed replied.

Even though Suigetsu's head should, technically, no longer be in side Tsunade's breasts his head remained there. She raised an eyebrow as she felt a tongue licking the inside of her cleavage and the side of her breasts.

"What the f**k do you think you're doing?" Tsunade shouted and smacked his head away and then catapulted him into the ground.

"Totally worth it" he muttered.

"I only did that so you'd stop fantasising about it but Jesus!" she moaned.

"My turn" Zed whispered to Sasuke, of who chuckled lightly.

"No, me next" Sasuke replied which earned the same response from Zed. "No, I'm serious_**. Me next**_" Sasuke explained to him, still in whispers.

"So was I" Zed replied. It was longer funny but a rivalry.

"Then we have a problem" Sasuke told him.

"It appears we do" Zed agreed.

"No, you don't!" Juugo told them in hushed shouts, "like she's going to do that again!"

As Tsunade fixed her top, of which had a button, she turned to face the other three males. "You were all looking so I'm afraid you're all going to get the treatment. But if you _**lick me**_ I will put you in a semi-coma" she said to them.

They nodded with gaping smiles.

"How the hell did this happen?" Zed whispered to Sasuke as Juugo went first, each person getting a heavenly thirty seconds.

"We looked down her cleavage and so to try and make us stop she's giving us what we want. But what she doesn't realise is that doing this will make us want more and make us look down more hoping to get the same thing" Sasuke responded.

"Not quite the answer I wanted but good enough" Zed responded as Naruto got his thirty second treatment.

Next up went Zed who, afterwards, shared the feeling that both Juugo and Naruto had felt afterwards: a sense of shock, joy and hormones-all of the front of their pants extending outwards.

As Sasuke stepped up for the treatment he'd been looking forward to so much since he found out about it he was stopped.

"Is this okay with you, Sakura?" Tsunade said as she raised her hand to tell Sasuke to stop.

"I'm not sure" Sakura replied.

"I won't do it unless you're sure" Tsunade informed her.

"Thank you" Sakura responded.

Sasuke, in fear of losing this joyous treatment, said "Sakura, this treatment is like a way of saying that we've been allowed into the village. If I don't get it I'll feel like I wasn't welcomed properly."

His taka teammates looked at him with raised eyebrows and this story and yet felt a strong sense of respect towards him for how much he desired this- he really was going through puberty!

"Well, if that's how you feel, I suppose I won't stop you" Sakura replied, trying to smile.

"But don't you think that leaving the village and coming back will lead to getting this again! Because you won't be able to come back as you'll be _**dead**_" Tsunade informed.

"Of course" he replied with a nod.

She took her hand away and stepped towards him. She took hold of his head and dunked it down under into 'man heaven'. As he found his head between the softness and safeness of her breast he smiled and thought to himself:

'_Oh, joy. I'm glad I came back!_'

As Taka entered the former Uchiha compound an eerie silence and feeling of death met them. Sasuke remained silent as they entered his former home.

"So, um," Suigetsu said as he tried to break the silence, "does Tsunade classify as a MILF (Mother I'd Like to F**k) or a GILF (Grandmother I'd Like to F**k)?"

"MILF" Zed replied, "She could be the mother of someone in our class easily at a real life high school considering we're seventeen."

"Ah ha" Suigetsu responded.

"Excuse me" Sasuke and left them to themselves in the living room of the childhood he wished he could forget- always remembering the scream and slice of his parents being killed.

He went into his parents' old room and looked around. He then proceeded to leave the room and went to his brother's old room. Lastly he went back to his old room where he threw his bag on his bed.

He looked around the room as a trickle of liquid went down his left cheek coming from his left eye. It wasn't blood.

He left the room and went into the bathroom to fulfil a promise he made to a friend a year and a half ago. He pulled out his kunai and brought it to the ponytail that went to the top of his bum crack.

He inhaled deeply and exhaled deeply as, with a light snip, a large clump of hair felt to the floor. He looked up at the mirror above the sink before him with the sharingan in his eyes.

"I _**will **_kill you," he said in a whisper to himself, "_**M**__**A**__**D**__**A**__**R**__**A**__**."**_

.org/sample//moe%20100152%


	3. Chapter 3

**Naruto-Puberty and Ninja Stuff II**

A Naruto Fanfic

A humorous version of the future

Involving lots of pubic stuff

By Niko SiMamu

Rated M (ooh)

Sequel Time!

Chapter 3: Yuri Uchiha

A masked gentleman soared through the streets in the blackest night. His lush brown hair swooning in the air behind him along with his ponytail made with a band of string. As he stopped suddenly three other ninjas found themselves on top of the same house top, these three with hoods over their heads instead of masks.

They consisted of a woman who was slightly taller than them with a large amount of her large breasts' cleavage revealed, a young adolescent male with a large scroll on his back and another adolescent male who'd ripped the arms of his shirt off to reveal his dark skin; severe burns and kanji tattoos saying 'lightning' and 'thunder', one on each of his shoulders.

They all wore this black hoodies though their leader had not pulled his up for he had a mask. On the backs of their hoodies was a grey fluorescent kanji sign saying 'straight sword'- the straight sword being the chokutō. The woman having made her hoodies incredibly low cut with a kunai.

**直****刀**

Their masked leader turned to face them and looked at them, one after the other. He found it hard not o be distracted by the woman's cleavage, of who smiled flirtatiously at him when she realised that he couldn't keep his eyes of her breasts, though he managed to keep his eyes away long enough to speak to his team eventually, a familiar Spanish accent echoing in the mask:

"So, here we are in the land of fire _**again**_. We've had a rough year and a half since leaving this place. _**Kimiga dying**_ almost straight after we'd left because Juugo died but he was able to come back to life because Kimiga died instead.

"But we've fought through the tough times. We've recruited Sofia, of who had to end her post as land of waterfall leader. She, surprisingly, possessing quite the ninja abilities that she keeps quiet.

"But here we are today to do our final recruiting for our secret organisation against the Akatsuki- the Chokutō. Today we are here to attempt to recruit Tsume Neko and Ruusu Ken. We may not succeed but we must remain hopeful. Now, come on."

They jumped off the building top and landed silently on the hard ground. As they rose up they turned to face the way they'd been going on the house tops. They carried on walking this way until they reached a gateway. At the top of the gate before them was the kanji sign for 'cat', or Neko.

**猫**

Their masked leader pushed the gate open and entered the Neko family complex. Similar to the Uchiha complex, but smaller as the Neko family wasn't as big as the Uchiha family once was.

The house at the end of the road was where the clan leader lived. There were three houses on either side of this house, leading up to the gate. As you go down from the gate the more important that part of the family is.

They went to the end of the complex and then turned left. As they went into the front garden they jumped over a gate with the kanji sign for 'three' on. This was because this branch of the family was the third most important and the third strongest. This was where Tsume lived, albeit he was the strongest in the next generation out of his cousins, even stronger than the head of the clan's daughter.

**三**

All of the major clans in the leaf village had their own complex. Some clans shared complexes- for instance the Ino-Shika-Cho families, while others had their own. The other ninja lived in the city, those who weren't from major ninja clans- like Naruto and Sakura.

The most notable clans in the village that had their own complex were: the Hyuuga's; the Ken's (Ruusu's clan); the Inuzuka's (Living on the other side of town to the Neko's because of their fierce rivalry) and the Uchiha's, albeit this complex had been left untouched for years in fear of bad luck. Only now reoccupied by its previous owner and the only survivor of the great massacre that echoes through the streets of Konoha like a bad memory at the back of your mind, for it was a bad memory and it was at the very back of the village.

The four crept around the right side of the house towards the back right window, listening in to check who was in this room- houses only having one floor. They heard muffled sounds from inside that sounded like the beginnings of sex or intense wrestling.

"Let _**me**_ check it out" the one with the big scroll on his back told his team.

"Be my guest" the leader replied.

The one with the big scroll on his back and looked in and his mouth gaped open as his hand fumbled in his pocket till it found what it was looking for. He pulled out a familiar camera and turned it on.

"Shin, what's going on? Is it the right room? What are you doing- oh, brother, they're not- great, just great" the leader moaned.

"What's going on?" the dark skinned one asked.

"Apparently whoever's in there is having sex and, of course, Shin had to pull his camera out and film it" the leader replied.

"Oh, I see" the dark skinned one replied, "should we interrupt? And who's having sex?"

"Let me check as Shin's failed" the leader replied, giving a look of distaste to the distracted one called Shin.

The leader strolled over and stood next to the one called Shin. As he looked in he raised an eyebrow and blinked several times.

"Boy, they're really getting at it! At the rate they're going they're going to be done in five minutes!" the leader whispered to 'Shin'.

"Yep" 'Shin' replied.

"Yuri, what's going on!" the dark skinned one demanded.

"Well, two people are having sex. The two of them are getting at it rather speedily, implying experience or large amounts of lust. And they have their backs to us so we can't see their faces" the one apparently called Yuri replied.

"So should we interrupt just to be sure?" the dark skinned one asked.

"Maybe, but It may cause alarm if it's not them and will make it harder to talk to Tsume and Ruusu because we'll be combated against and the alarm will be raised of our existence in the village" 'Yuri' answered.

"I see, so a bit of a double edged sword?" the dark skinned one said.

"Yep" 'Yuri' said.

"Darn."

"Darn squared."

"Darn cubed."  
"Darn to the power of four."

"Darn to the power of five."  
"Darn to the power of six."  
"Darn the power of-"the dark skinned one said till he was interrupted by 'Yuri'.

"That's enough now" 'Yuri' informed.

"-seven" the dark skinned one murmured, earning a dark glare from 'Yuri. "Hey, you only get angry and glare at Shin, remember?" the dark skinned one complained.

'Yuri' remained silent.

"You remember, you remember, just too honourable and self-centred to admit it" the dark skinned one said to nobody in particular.

"You're just asking for a beating, Leon" 'Yuri' said.

"If you say so" 'Leon' replied.

"I am saying so" 'Yuri' replied.

"I know" 'Leon' said.

"Shouldn't we get back to the task at hand?" the busty women of the group reminded them.

"Yes, yes we should" 'Yuri' said and walked over to 'Shin'.

As he came into the same areas as Shin he knocked 'Shin's' camera out of his hands and it fell to the floor. 'Yuri' then proceeded to step on the camera, over and over again till it was only a couple of tiny pieces.

"What the f**k is wrong with you?" 'Shin cried at Yuri.

Yuri smiled as he pulled Shin down to the floor, Leon and the busty woman jumping round the corner they'd just came from. As heavy footsteps trudged along the floorboards of the house a woman stuck her head out of the window looking for where the noise came from.

Yuri and Shin lay perfectly still and no longer breathing. As the woman went back to her bed, and her man, Yuri and Shin let out a deep breath forcing the woman to come rushing back.

She looked down and called to the man "Tsume-kun, there are two guys outside, one of them is wearing a mask and has a ponytail the other has a hood on and a big scroll on his back. Come and see!"

The man came trudging along to check it out and as he looked down he raised an eyebrow and said "Yuri? Shin? Or are you Sasuke and Suigetsu?"  
"We're Yuri and Shin, mate. Sasuke and Suigetsu can't use transformation jutsu anymore because they spent too long as us that we became separate people. Like un-identical twins" Yuri replied.

"I see. Why are you here?" Tsume asked.

"How come you're sleeping with Ruusu Ken?" Shin asked, "Could've sworn she was mine, I mean Suigetsu's, as he slept with her."

"Well that was almost two years ago. A lot can change and now she's with me" Tsume replied.

"M'kay" Shin said.

"Do you want a beating too, like Leon?" Yuri threatened Shin.

"Nah, I'm good" Shin replied.  
"Leon's here? Is Kimiga too?" Tsume asked.

"No, when Juugo got killed by whoever he was fighting, he was able to be brought back to life by Sakura because Kimiga died instead" Yuri explained.

"Oh. So, what are you up to now?" Tsume asked.

"I formed an anti-Akatsuki organisation called Chokutō. I want you and Ruusu to join" he told Tsume.

"No thanks" Tsume replied.

"Why not?" Yuri demanded.

"I've got it good here. I'm the leader of the strongest ANBU team, recently I've furthered that claim with the additions of Ruusu and the rejoining of Sasuke and Taka" Tsume replied.

"Wait, Sasuke's back?" Yuri asked.

"Yeah, he came back yesterday. He's gone back to living in the Uchiha complex with his team. His old house as well. Now, that shows some guts! Going back to live where your life was ruined and your destiny was forsaken. I've got to hand it to him, he's pretty tough!" Tsume answered.

"I see. Well, thank you for your time, it's a real shame you decided not to join. Nice catching up with you, mate, see you later. I've got places to be and places to go" Yuri said one last time and left.

"Where are we going?" Leon asked as they left the Neko complex, the other three barely able to keep up with Yuri as he charged through the streets.

"Uchiha's back" Yuri replied.

"Yeah, you are" Leon said, not getting what he meant.

"No, _**Sasuke **_Uchiha. He came back yesterday after a year and a half away" Yuri replied.

"So? Why are we going to where he is? Killing him will kill you!" Leon said.

"No, if I kill Sasuke I become immortal. If someone else kills me he remains the same, if he kills me he just gets a stronger resilience and an almost metal skin. I get immortality" Yuri replied.

"Does the same thing happen for us?" Leon asked.

"Yes" Yuri replied as they broke into the Uchiha complex.

"So we should kill them too?" Leon asked.

"If you want to" Yuri replied.

"Well okay then" Leon said.

"After this we're going to recruit Orochimaru's daughter" Yuri informed them.

"Speaking of Orochimaru, you're desire for immortality is just like Orochimaru's and Madara's" Shin told him.

"Yeah, whatever" Yuri said as he smashed through Sasuke's house's door with a blow through his candy cigarette.

"What the f**k- Yuri, it's been a while" Sasuke said.

"A year and half to be precise but let's cut the small talk and get to the chase. You may not know it but if I kill you I gain immortality. So, if you don't mind- albeit I don't care if you do, I'm going to kill you and gain immortality" Yuri informed Sasuke.

"I see, well, this draws up a problem. I'm not ready to die yet; I have too much o live for. Come back in, maybe, forty years and it may be different but, for now, I'm afraid I cannot oblige to your desires" Sasuke replied.

"That's okay, I didn't think you would oblige. I just wanted to make sure there wouldn't be any unnecessary violence. But, sadly, it appears I'm going to have to take immortality by force" Yuri said.

"I'm sorry it has to come to that" Sasuke replied.

Yuri smiled at Sasuke as he did also. But with lightning speed and in a blink of an eye the two's katanas were clashing and intense glares faced each other.

"Let's do this,_**twin**_" Yuri said and Sasuke smiled.

"Let's, bro'" Sasuke replied and the battle commenced.

The battle of the last, true, Uchiha.


	4. Chapter 4

**Naruto-Puberty and Ninja Stuff II**

A Naruto Fanfic

A humorous version of the future

Involving lots of pubic stuff

By Niko SiMamu

Rated M (ooh)

Sequel Time!

Chapter 4: Battle Wounds and Memoirs

"Yuri, why are you wearing the chokutō mask I wore on the mission where we met Orochimaru's daughter?" Sasuke questioned.

"Let me show you" Yuri replied and slowly unfastened the buckles on the band that held his mask over his head.

As the mask slipped off his face and into his palm Sasuke lifted a surprised eyebrow. "How did you get those scars?" Sasuke demanded, they were the same scars, in exactly the same places, he'd got when he 'fought' Madara.

"Same way you did" Yuri replied with a demented smirk.

"You fought Madara?" Sasuke questioned.

"No, you did" Yuri replied.

"What do you mean?" Sasuke asked.

"Whenever you or I get wounded the other one also gets the scar. We're linked till we die, Sasuke. We're not twins. We're a failed mirror image. Since separating from you I've became much more like you- demented, evil, only thinking about revenge. You know what I mean. The same things go through your mind" Yuri explained to him.

"What happens if I kill you?" Sasuke asked.

"If either one of us is killed we get a scar in the place that caused their deaths and a searing pain in that area. If I am killed you get my chakra, my abilities and added protection to injury. If you are killed I get all those things. If you kill me you cannot be killed till you reach the age you're meant to or if you succumb to serious illness. If I kill you I get immortality for I was never born so I can gain immortality by killing the original. You see why I wish to kill you. I receive immortality in return for never ending pain in the area I killed you for, you see, if I kill you or you kill me we get never ending pain In the area we killed our other half" Yuri explained once more.

"Jesus Christ!" Sasuke blasphemed.

Zed and Leon both proceeded to smack Sasuke round the head and kick him in the nuts. "Who do you think you are, cursing our saviour? Dumb mothafucka!" Zed shouted at him as he fell to the floor.

"Ah, s**t!" Yuri cried as he also fell to the floor with the same pain.

"What's wrong wit' you?" Leon shouted as kneed Sasuke in the nose causing blood to spurt out the Uchiha twins' noses.

"Every time you injure Sasuke you injure me!" Yuri shouted, "Weren't you listening?"

"I zoned in and out" Leon replied.

"Why are you hitting and kicking me!" Sasuke cried from the floor.

Zed and Leon both pulled out necklaces from underneath their shirts. The necklace was of a cross. The Christian cross to be precise. Engraved on the back was 'to my good friend, Zed/Leon (depending which one)- Jesus'.

"Dude, you met Jesus?" Suigetsu questioned Zed as he saw the engravings.

"Yeah, he was a legend!" Zed replied.

"Innit, famalam!" Leon chortled.

"Since when had Jesus returned again to pay for our sins?" Sasuke asked from the ground.

"Shuddup bitch!" Leon cried and wacked him round the head with his foot sending Sasuke flying across the floor as he clutched his bruised body parts, Yuri screaming hysterically for no apparent reason.

"But, since you asked, it was that guy who lives in the woods. He's Jesus! Yesterday he, apparently, walked across water" Zed told him.

"Yeah, so Yuri recruited him for our team!" Leon remarked.

"He did what? That b*****d! He'll turn him into the anti-Christ because, as everyone knows, this current Jesus is a fusion of Christ and the anti-Christ, both fighting to control him. The rapture is happening right inside his mind. Saving any mess!" Zed exclaimed.

"Since when did Christianity get even more f**ked up?" Sasuke moaned from the ground.

"Shuddup bitch!" Leon shouted once more as he kicked Sasuke in the stomach making the Uchiha twins yelp in pain as blood spurted out their mouths.

"Holy Christ- I mean Holy sweet Macaroni Cheese!" Suigetsu cried as Zed gave him a dirty look, "You guys are really making him pay for his sins!"

In between those two sentences Zed remarking: "That's what I thought you said".

"When did you two become so religious?" Sasuke moaned from the ground.

"We're black. Of course we're religious. It's what keeps us off the streets and going to church schools" Zed told him.

"Yeah, innit" Leon added.

"At least you and your clone get along!" Sasuke mumbled about the Christian twins.

"You better know we do!" Zed replied for no apparent reason.

Sasuke lifted his thumb up as he collapsed to the floor and fell unconscious. His hand falling back down to earth with a thump!

Sasuke blinked a few times as he got up slowly to find himself in his bed with people surrounding him and another occupied bed in the corner- Yuri's bed.

Around him sat Taka, Team Neko and the members of Chokutō. Sofia was sitting on a chair by Yuri's head with her breasts dangling over his dead and, if his view was correct, rubbing against his face. Sasuke raised an eyebrow at how glad he'd lost her advances to his twin but was also glad he'd kept Sakura's affection instead of losing them to Yuri while he owned that face. He didn't want to lose her friendship, right? That was what he felt, right? He was not sure; his mind was racing with different thoughts currently.

His friends, Sakura; being back in the village, the return of his doppelganger and Sofia, his failed attempt at killing Madara, the breasts incident with Tsunade (although he wasn't sure if he and his teammates would ever forget that day till the day they died. It was a truly unforgettable occasion. As they thought about it they could almost feel her soft breasts on either side of their cheeks. Almost, but almost wasn't quite enough anymore. They wanted it again!) And now he had Sofia's breasts.

Although he had no love for Sofia he couldn't help but miss her amazing breasts, ass and body, the incident with Tsunade only furthering this. If it weren't for the fact he thought he may now be with Sakura he'd try and have sex with her one more time.

Oh how his year and a half without sex had changed him. He may never be the same. At least now he wanted to repopulate his clan. For more than just the clan's needs, it was now his own needs as well.

"So, Sasuke, how are you feeling?" Zed asked.

"Fine, no thanks to you though. You deserve an ass kicking for that. The kind I used to threaten Suigetsu with" Sasuke replied.

"I'm guessing you're not a big fan of me anymore" Zed said.

"No, I'm not a big fan of Rebecca Black. You… you…. You f*king disgust me! Are you so thick you risked me killing you for your 'religion' about a man who had children with a prostitute in Mary Magdalene" Sasuke shouted at Zed.

"Hey, you wanna another ass kicking?" Zed shouted, grabbing Sasuke by his collar and drawing him in close with a hard look painted across his face.

Sasuke looked down at his clenched shirt and then at Zed's angry face. He did this several times before smiling. His smile got wider and wider and then he started to laugh. It started off a light giggle, then a chuckle, next it became a normal light hearted laugh and finally it became a heart-attack causing hysterical laugh like when he fought Naruto when he was thirteen.

Zed's face changed to a look of confusion, his eyebrows raised and his eyes widened. He let go off Sasuke's shirt and looked down in disgrace when he realised how foolish he was being and that Sasuke was right.

_**Mostly.**_

"That's right, know your place" Sasuke whispered into his ear and he continued to look down at the ground.

"Shuddup" he muttered.

"What was that?" Sasuke shouted, pulling his head up by his dreadlocks so that their eyes met.

"I said 'shuddup'" Zed whimpered.

"I see. Do you understand there will be consequences for that?"

"Yes… yes… yes…" Zed cried, "I'm sorry, Sasuke, I'm sorry! It was a stupid moment where I didn't think! Please, please, forgive me!"

"This is your first warning" Sasuke told him and let go off his dreadlocks.

Zed ran away to the corner where he fell to the floor crying. Sasuke turned away from the whimpering black man and turned to the others.

"How many warnings do I have?" Suigetsu asked, stupidly.

"I'm afraid, dear Suigetsu, you've ran out of warnings!" Sasuke replied, looking at him deeply in the eye with a blood red quiver reflecting over his eye and black tomoes covering each corner of his round eye.

"Oh, s**t!" Suigetsu shouted and all that could be heard after that was his last _**SCREAM.**_

"Suigetsu, come out; come out, wherever you are!" Sasuke shouted across his home.

There was no reply.

"Sui, I won't hurt you, I'll just _**KILL YOU**_!" Sasuke said through his house in a demented voice.

"Oh, darn, I forgot that when he takes painkillers his mind goes more f**ked up than Juugo in his cursed seal form" Zed told Sakura and Naruto.

"Wish you'd told me that before. Otherwise we wouldn't be trying to find Suigetsu before Sasuke does" Sakura replied.

"Yes, that would've been helpful" Zed replied.

Sakura nodded in agreement with a sadistic expression.

"Hey, where's that 'Chokutō gang'?" Naruto asked, suddenly realising they weren't with them.

"They're still in Sasuke's room. I wonder if Yuri's like Sasuke on painkillers" Zed replied.

Sakura and Naruto looked at him darkly and coldly.

"S**t!" Sakura and Zed said in cohesion, Naruto a bit later- being a bit slower minded and all.

The three of them started to race across to Sasuke's room to lock and bolt the door. But they were too late.

As they reached the room the door went flying off its hinges, caught in a searing of fire. As Yuri stepped out from where the door used to be and into the hallway he looked to them and smiled.

"Where's Sasuke?" Yuri asked.

"Trying to kill Suigetsu" Naruto replied; Zed and Sakura looking at him not so fondly.

"Thanks" Yuri replied and bounded off in the opposite direction to where they'd come.

"Who should we find first?" Zed asked.

"! I'M COMING TO GET YOU!" a Spanish voice echoed across the house, answering Zed's question.

"I'm thinking Sasuke" Sakura replied.

"Me too" Zed replied.

Leon popped his head round the corner of the door and said "Sorry."

"Just help us get them" Sakura replied.

"Okay" Leon said and they all charged off in the same direction Yuri went.

As they ran Naruto asked "what about Suigetsu?"

"I'm sure we'll find him when we find the other two" Sakura replied.

"Okay" Naruto said.

"Glad he's after Suigetsu and not me" Zed said.

"Shut up" Sakura told him and he did so. They had an important task at hand that didn't need those sorts of comments.


	5. Chapter 5

**Naruto-Puberty and Ninja Stuff II**

A Naruto Fanfic

A humorous version of the future

Involving lots of pubic stuff

By Niko SiMamu

Rated M (ooh)

Sequel Time!

Chapter 5: Sofia x Yuri, or Zed? Or Shin? Slut.

"Sasuke, Sasuke, where the f**k are you?" Naruto shouted.

"Yuri, Yuri-kun where are you?" Sofia called.

"I don't think that's going to work" Zed informed the two.

"Why not?" Sofia demanded.

"Because they're very fixated on what they're doing in this state and we need to try and follow them using clues and sounds. We can't hear anything if you two are bellowing at the top of your lungs.

"We're looking for people here, not lost pets. These guys have powers and s**t" Zed replied.

"Shuddup" Sofia said spitefully.

"Only if I can touch your tits" Zed replied with a smirk as he turned his head from her and back forward.

"Okay" Sofia said.

"What, are you serious?" Zed asked.

"Yeah, if it'll keep your _**wit**_ shut" Sofia replied.

Zed remained silent, looking from her chest to her face several times with a blank expression. He tried to speak but nothing would come out.

"So how do you want to do this? Do you want to touch them underneath my clothes and on top of them so your imagination can still ponder what they're like?" Sofia asked.

"You know I've touched them before, right?" Zed told her.

"When?" Sofia questioned.

"About a year and a half ago. After we saved your village you gave us whatever we wanted. You had sex with Suigetsu/Shin, a threesome with Sakura and Sasuke and you let me touch your tits" Zed reminded her.

"I see, so I'm guessing you want underneath the clothes?" Sofia replied curiously.

The rest of the party continued on while the Sofia and Zed stopped to get the _task _over with.

They were in the Uchiha compound so it looked much like it did before but now it had a feeling of coldness in the air and it seemed dark than before since everything that happened here. Although everything was the same spiritually it felt different. At least it felt different to the Uchiha twins as they'd experienced the murder and what'd been like before.

So, reader, did that little description of the place cool you down after finding out Zed was going to touch Sofia's breasts? Yes? Good. No? You're one dirty little s**t. ;)

Sofia slid her cloak open to reveal she wasn't wearing anything, at all, underneath. Zed looked her up and down and gulped. '_Dang_' he thought to himself, the genius things that go on in his head, right?

"Boy, get your ass over here and make this quick. No longer than ten seconds, yeah?" Sofia told him.

Zed nodded slowly, not looking at her face but the next thing down. He lifted his left hand from his side and looked up at her:

"Both hands?" he asked.

"Sure" she replied.

He then lifted his right hand up as well. He moved them slowly towards the DD cups in front of him. He breathed in deeply and then out deeply as his hands came into contact.

He squeezed them a bit and then cupped the nipple in between two of his fingers and rubbed it to see if milk came out. It did.

"S**t" he muttered to himself, looking up at Sofia with a raised eyebrow.

She pushed him against the wall and kissed him deeply, pulling his trousers down and grabbing his outstretched, hard manhood. He was surprised at first but went with it, groping her breasts as they kissed.

She slotted his car into her garage making her yelp gently and him jump up lightly. Teenagers, right?

"I knew this would happen, Sofia can't resist horny teenage boys and with Yuri out of the equation at this present time anyone would do. Considering his black he must have a large package so she might ditch Yuri for Leon afterwards, probably not considering Yuri's sexy accent and hair. Why couldn't I have pissed her off instead?" Shin said with his famous camera in his hands as he filmed the latest addition to his porn site that had recently been voted most popular porn site in the ninja world- mainly because everyone else was busy fighting for their village currently and most porn sites didn't have pretty ninja girls with rockin' bods on them.

As the two got further into the act of sexual intercourse Sofia pushed Zed away and pulled her robe back around. She started to weep gently.

Zed landed on the ground with a thud, he rubbed his behind and pulled his trousers back up before going over to Sofia and asking: "what's wrong?" without trying to sound annoyed at being pushed away.

His juices had spattered all over the place as pushing him away meant that it all went out rather than in.

"I must not do this, I love Yuri! Doing this will make me a common slut!" Sofia replied as she rose from the ground and pushed Zed away once more, running away to rejoin the team.

As she ran a pissed of Shin popped out and stopped her.

"Hey, hey, hey! What the hell was that? You know the deal- if I don't sexually harass you you'll let me make porn videos of your sexual exploits for my site. I'm afraid this wasn't long enough and didn't have enough sexes. Where was the anal, oral, tit wank, etcetera?" Shin complained.

"Shut up, Shin" she retorted and pushed him away.

As she tried to run off Shin used his scythe to pull her back. He spanked her behind and pulled her robe off, ravishing her breasticles.

"Now we're even" he informed her.

She turned to him with fire in her eyes. She slapped his left cheek and punched him in the right. Then with the hands she used to slap him she punched him in the stomach. Hard.

As he spurted out blood from his mouth she slid him over with her left leg. As he fell she stuck her right leg out and his genital region landed flat on her leg. He yelped in pain but she wasn't done with him yet.

She lifted him into the air with her arms and leg and as he came down she smashed him in the bollocks with her favoured left peg.

He screamed so loudly the village next door could hear. Zed could only reply with a: "S**t! That has got to f**king hurt!"

As he rolled around on the floor Sofia grabbed him by the scruff of his shirt and lifted him against the wall, hitting his body hard against it to cause him more pain.

Blood covered his face and swollen cheeks. She looked darkly into him and said to him: "Kiss me, you dirty son of a bitch!"

She pulled his head to hers and kissed him deeply, pulling his trousers down and the same thing happened between the two that had happened between Sofia and Zed.

"I only have two things to say: one, you got turned on by that, Shin?" Zed said from behind them.

"What can I say, anything a lady with boobs like that does turns me on" Shin replied as he was ravished by Sofia.

Amazingly Shin's camera was on the floor, still working and still filming.

"Okay, and two," Zed began, "you're a slut, Sofia, but not a common one. More of a dramatic one if that exists."

Sofia smiled at him and said: "Come now, let's make it a threesome, darling. We never finished what we were doing before."

"If it was with another girl- hell yeah, but with a guy, especially Shin, hell no!" Zed replied.

Sofia sighed but then lifted her left breast up and licked her erected nipple sexually. She then lifted her right hand and made a 'come here' sign with her hand.

"Yes, miss" Zed said robotically and came.

Shin was right, with boobs like that a girl could get anything she wanted- As long as she knew how to use them. No wonder she's in Yuri's team, must be a valued asset, using her ninja power of her 'sexuality'.

"Where the hell is Sofia and Zed?" Sakura asked no one in particular.

"… and Shin…" Naruto replied.

"What?" Sakura shouted.

"Shin's not here either" Naruto replied.

"Of course" Sakura muttered.

"He's gone off to film it using him and Sofia's agreement" Leon replied.

"What agreement?" Sakura asked.

"If Shin's allowed to film and dictate Sofia's sexual exploits he won't sexually harass her" Leon informed them.

Sakura raised an eyebrow "why does she put up with that?"

"Yuri sees Shin's abilities as value assets. Sofia only provides the asset of 'sexuality' that only works on straight men and lesbian women" Leon replied.

"So she acts as a slut to help the team?" Sakura repeated but in a much nicer way.

"Yep" Leon replied.

"I see," Sakura said, "we should probably go back and get them now before anything else happens."

"Especially knowing Sofia's sexual appetite" Leon added.

"It's amazing she's not pregnant yet" Sakura said as they strolled back.

"She's saving up for Yuri's 18th in a couple of months, Sasuke's too I suppose, when for his birthday she'll let him impregnate him to help restart the clan" Leon explained to her.

"Maybe I should do that for Sasuke too" Sakura replied with a laugh.

No one else laughed so she went silent and violently blushed with embarrassment.

As they reached the trio they were shocked by what they saw, saying things like: "What the f**k?" (Sakura) and "What the hell?" (Naruto) and "Two guys? Now that isn't natural, God did not want sex to be like that! One man and one woman or one man and two women! Nothing else, and I don't care if you call me homophobic, it's true!" (Zed- the devout Christian).

Sofia and Zed hurriedly got back dressed , flush with embarrassment. While Shin sat there, naked and with a boner, and whined about how he'd been interrupted again and that now he's going to need to sexually harass Sofia again. Sakura slapping him in return but without, in the end, violently kissing him- much to his dismay as he'd came to expect this treatment after spending a year and a half with Sofia.

After much arguing they got back on task to helping Sasuke, Suigetsu and, to a lesser extent, Yuri; having to sprint as they'd wasted enough time already.


	6. Chapter 6

**Naruto-Puberty and Ninja Stuff II**

A Naruto Fanfic

A humorous version of the future

Involving lots of pubic stuff

By Niko SiMamu

Rated M (ooh)

Sequel Time!

Chapter 6: You get the Best of Both Worlds!

"So, Uchiha-baka, you think you love Sakura?" a Spanish voice echoed around a drunken feeling 'avenger'.

"Maybe" Sasuke replied as he twisted around and diverted his attention away from the chase of Suigetsu and to his un-identical clone.

"Funny that, you never felt like that, till you became me" Yuri said to him.

"What you saying here?" he demanded in a harsh tone.

"I'm everything you are and yet everything you're not. I have compassion while you're a cold selfish b*****d. At least you were till you became me. Then your icy heart started getting hot and became everything I am. I'm no longer you, _**now**_ you are me" Yuri replied as he stepped towards the motionless original.

"So you're saying you're the hidden feeling I kept inside and that becoming you meant that I released those feelings and, metaphorically, _**became**_ you?" Sasuke questioned.

"Hmm… I don't know about _**metaphorically**_ but, in essence, I suppose yes. Yes I am your bottled up feelings released but the more I become a new person and more compassion that you have the more I become like the old you. Cold, selfish and emotionless- only set on revenge or whatever I desire" Yuri informed him.

"What the f**k are you going on about?" Sasuke shouted.

"I dunno, that's just what Orochimaru's daughter told me- and he knew an awful lot on this sort of stuff" Yuri replied.

"So, what now?" Sasuke asked, meaning it rhetorically.

"We _**FIGHT**_" Yuri replied, leaping at Sasuke with his chokutō held tightly in his left hand.

"But what about the consequences, if you harm me it harms you too, if I harm you it harms me. The only way around it is to kill each other" Sasuke reminded him.

"Then I suppose this is a fight to the bitter finish. The prize being immortality for me, the ability to never be touched by anyone made of woman and man until you die and for both of us- _**Sakura**_" Yuri responded.

"So, will you remain cold and heartless if you kill me?" Sasuke asked.

"No, I get my emotions back" Yuri informed him.

"I see" Sasuke replied as the two of them clashed, throwing each other away with their blades.

They charged at each other again and scraped their swords against each other as the clash of metal echoed in their ears.

Tight glares facing each other as their blood red eyes were all that shone in the dark halls of the Uchiha compound. Growling underneath their breath the two's eyes were as tightly locked as their blades.

Yuri blinked and jumped away, a smirk crossing his features. He pulled out a candy cigarette, as he flew through mid air, and released his chokutō so that it clattered against the floor.

As his jaw kept the candy cigarette tightly in his mouth he performed the hand signs of a fire style jutsu.

Sasuke used his sharingan to copy his clone's every movement so that when the flames let lose they were met by each other and nothing else, disintegrating into black dust.

"I don't see this battle going anywhere. We're evenly matched because we're the same person but with different faces" Sasuke informed him.

"Sadly, I think I'll have to agree with you" Yuri responded.

The two stopped for a moment to think about what could happen next. In the darkness of the Uchiha compound the only thing that alerted the other of the other's whereabouts was their sharingan.

Yuri smirked in the darkness as his eyes faded from blood red to onyx. Sasuke didn't notice the visual disappearance of Yuri till he felt a kunai wrapped tightly around his throat.

"Hi, Sasuke" Yuri remarked from behind him.

"Hey, Yuri" he attempted to say but was unable to, so instead came out more like "Heeyyy, Yuuuiiii" as he could not pronounce his 'r's in this current state.

"Who the f**k is 'Yuui'?" Yuri asked, loosening his grip as he asked the question.

"You, Yuri" Sasuke replied, he was now able to speak.

"Then why did you call me 'Yuui'?" Yuri demanded. Turning around and standing in front of Sasuke with his kunai at his side.

"Well, you had-" Sasuke began, but was interrupted.

"Did you forget my name, even though it was once yours too? Do you have pronunciation problems? Do you find pronouncing 'r's hard? What, boy, what?" Yuri interrupted.

"We're the same age, technically- well actually you're barely a year old in the amount of years you've been around but as you're me you're the same age as me. Anyway, the kunai around my throat restricted my breathing and made it impossible to pronounce 'r' so it came out as 'Yuui', rather than 'Yuri'" Sasuke explained.

"I see" Yuri said.

The rest of Team Neko and Yuri's Chokutō came on to the scene bar Suigetsu- who was still running frantically for his life even though Sasuke had lost interest in him and he was no longer being chased. They stopped in front of the twins and looked from one to another.

"What the f**k is going on here?" Leon complained.

"Nothing" Yuri said and started to leave. As he headed in the direction the exit will be, further down the corridor, the rest of his organisation hurried after him. He found Suigetsu breathing heavily lying against the door.

Yuri raised an eyebrow at him before kicking him away so that he could leave. He then proceeded, with his team, to the last place they saw Orochimaru's daughter. It was time for their next member to be recruited.

Sasuke, Team Neko and Taka watched them leave with fixated expressions. Sasuke strolled over to Suigetsu, who was lying on the floor after being kicked over, and lifted him up by the scruff of his shirt.

"You alright?" Sasuke asked.

"Uh…. Yeah" Suigetsu replied in shock at Sasuke's sudden burst of kindness, even if he was still holding him by his shirt. Baby steps, baby steps.

'_Ah, s**t! I'm getting more like Yuri every f**king second!_' Sasuke moaned in his head.

Sasuke dropped Suigetsu, who fell back down to the floor with a light 'thud'. He groaned as he fell but did not moan further as he did not wish to anger Sasuke- he didn't want to ruin his 'good mood'.

"What were you and Yuri doing?" Zed demanded.

"Getting to know each other" Sasuke responded quietly.

"Then why are you sweating and why does the area smell of smoke?" Zed questioned.

"Feelings are tired and could blow up at any moment. Like they clearly did today" Sasuke replied.

"Don't give me no bullcrap like that, mothafucka!" Zed shouted and smacked him round the face.

"Ow! What the f**k?" Sasuke growled.

"Don't give me no bullcrap or you're gonna get hurt, douche" Zed muttered.

Sasuke rubbed his cheek while he glared at Zed. His eyes wandering across the people around him: from Zed to Sakura; from Sakura to Juugo; from Juugo to Naruto; and from Naruto to the lying down Suigetsu.

"What you guys been up to?" Sasuke asked, trying to change the subject.

"Running from you" Suigetsu murmured.

"Don't try to change the subject" Zed said sharply, completing ignoring Suigetsu's input.

"Really, what were you guys doing while and Yuri were fightin- discussing family matters" Sasuke responded, stopping too late for what he said next to count.

"You were fighting? Causing yourself pain every time you attack him? Why were you so foolish?" Sakura said.

"We were fighting our emotions" Sasuke said blandly and unbelievably.

"Yeah, you don't do '_emotions_', Sasuke. So don't give me that bullcrap" Zed told him.

"Drat" Sasuke replied.

"So, who won?" Naruto asked, always thinking about the big picture.

"No one, we mostly talked and all our moves was the same so it would've lasted for days, not ending till one of us gave up or got too tired" Sasuke informed him.

"So if this was a TV show it'd be an annoying battle that lasts way too many episodes and annoys the viewers. Like a season considering how longs battles are made to last by Masashi Kishimoto" Naruto replied.

"What?" Sasuke asked.

"He was breaking the fourth wall again" Zed explained.

"Oh god damn namn it! You know we shouldn't do that! It means that the viewers lose the reality of it and reminds them it's not real and just a world they lived in, because everything's more interesting here as it has plotlines and happy endings" Sasuke rambled.

"I know, right" Zed said.

"You know you're still breaking the wall. We need to go back into the storyline to stop the viewer/reader thinking. Thinking's bad and scary" Sakura reminded them.

"Ah, yes" Sasuke said.

"But this storyline ended. Now we're waiting for the next storyline to come about" Zed said.

"Oh… yeah… so… when…?"


	7. Chapter 7

**Naruto-Puberty and Ninja Stuff II**

A Naruto Fanfic

A humorous version of the future

Involving lots of pubic stuff

By Niko SiMamu

Rated M (ooh)

Sequel Time!

Chapter 7: Teennapping

"Team Neko, it feels so long since you last all gathered here" Tsunade said to seven young ninjas.

"It has, one and a half years to be precise" Sasuke reminded her.

"Yes, yes, but back then you didn't look like this" Tsunade responded.

"Yup" Sasuke replied.

"So what's our mission, Lord Hokage?" Tsume asked.

"Ah, yes. I'm afraid I'm going to need you guys to infiltrate a special facility in Otogakure, God knows what they're up to but it certainly can't be good" Tsunade informed them.

"How should we do this? My team and I can't use transformation jutsu anymore because of overusing it" Sasuke asked.

"That's for you to work out. Bu-bye" Tsunade said and returned to her paperwork.

"But-"Sasuke tried to argue.

"_**BU**_-bye" Tsunade said and smiled.

"Come on, let's go" Sakura said and forced them out of the room.

"So, how do we get to Otogakure?" Naruto pondered.

"I don't know" Tsume replied.

"Do we have a map?" Sakura asked.

"Nope" Tsume informed her.

"Should we go get one?" Sakura said, trying to be reasonable.

"Nah, too much effort, and plus- this gives us more of the thrill of adventure!" Tsume said.

"God, I forgot how tiresome you Konoha ninjas are" Sasuke moaned.

"Stop moaning and get used to it, you're now a Konoha ninja too. _**DEAL WITH IT**_" Tsume said.

Sasuke said no more.

"So we're just going to wander aimlessly till we get there?" Zed questioned.

"Yup" Tsume replied.

"But by the time we get there we could be too late" Sakura reminded.

"Oh yeah," Tsume pondered, "On second thought, let's go get a map!"

They then proceeded to go back the way they'd come and stopped off at Tsume's house. Tsume went into his house and fetched a map while they stayed outside his house, sanding around like teenagers up to no good- which they were, sort of.

Tsume's house was like any normal family compound, like the Uchiha's, but not as big. It had a brown coat of painting over a wooden design, with glass windows and closed blinds.

Soon Tsume came back out his house and smiled to them, then saying: "Got it."

They looked at him blankly which he replied by looking at them with a confused expression.

"Shall we go?" he asked rhetorically.

"'Kay" they replied.

They entered the northern, rougher part of the village on their way there, because Tsunade had recovered from her hangover late she hadn't told them their mission till around six pm, going back to Tsume added an extra hour so by the time they reached the northern part of village it was around seven thirty pm.

They decided that to avoid trouble with some of the rough members of the city they'd jump from house to house. As they jumped from house to house they saw a teenage girl on her mobile resting against the wall.

She had a low cut shirt revealing a large amount of her c cup bosom and a short mini skirt as well as a leather jacket.

"Now she's just asking to be abducted by pervs and then raped" Sakura said.

"Like Suigetsu?" Sasuke joked.

"Shut up, baka Uchiha" Suigetsu murmured.

They heard a shriek from the streets below them and looked down, the girl had vanished. There was no one around but them.

"Where did she go? She can't have disappeared so fast and what was that shriek?" Tsume asked no one in particular.

"Seems we've found ourselves an off topic mystery to solve, gang" Suigetsu said jollily.

"This is serious" Sasuke said sharply to Suigetsu.

Suigetsu said no more until…

"How queer, she seems to have… disappeared".

"Why must you be so annoying?" Sasuke asked rhetorically.

"Comes naturally, I s'pose" Suigetsu responded.

"Tsume, use your freakin' cat ears to detect any hidden sounds" Zed said, taking the iniative.

"Oh yeah, well done with taking the iniative" Tsume replied.

Tsume shut his eyes and concentrated on nothing but sound, everyone not moving at all so he could hear it all. He heard a rustled muffle and opened his eyes swiftly.

"Below" he said .plainly and jumped to the ground.

The others followed all landing soundlessly as they didn't want to alert any of their presence. Tsume stuck his cat claw in the keyhole and twisted to the left. It flickered open and they entered a people less room.

"What the devil, I could've sworn I heard…" Tsume mumbled.

"Look, the windows open and stuff is scattered around as if they had to escape quickly. Must've heard you opening the door" Zed informed them, pointing to an opened window that was letting a draft in.

Tsume clenched his teeth and walked over to it. He sniffed the air around it and raised an eyebrow.

"What the f**k?" he said to himself.

"What's wrong?" Sakura asked.

"That girl, I think it was my cousin," Tsume said, "the area smells of Neko blood and we know it was a teenage female."

"Guess it just got personal?" Suigetsu half asked, half stated.

"Guess so" Tsume said through clenched teeth.

"Wait, shouldn't she have heard or smelt them coming with her enhanced senses?" Sasuke questioned.

"She'd need full concentration to achieve half a cat's hearing and smell without fusing with her cat" Tsume explain.

"Or they had no smell" Zed pointed out.

"How could they cover up their smell?" Tsume said.

Zed shrugged.

"Can you smell anyone but your cousin over there?" Sasuke asked.

"I'll go check again" Tsume responded and strolled back over to the window and took a few sniffs, "only my cousin" he said slowly.

"This just turned into a mystery, gang!" Suigetsu chuckled.

"Die!" Sasuke said and smacked him on the top of his head.

"Ow, bitch!" Suigetsu cried in pain.

"Sssh!" Sasuke sshed and smacked him round the head again.

"Ow, Sorry" Suigetsu replied in a whisper, holding his head in pain and fighting back the tears.

The seven of them jumped through the window behind Tsume, who was sniffing his cousin's scent down. He turned to the right- the direction they were going in, but then stopped after they went a few metres down the backstreets.

"The scent ends here" Tsume said in an annoyed tone.

"Where'd they go?" Naruto pondered.

"Maybe they heard our footsteps and covered your cousin in whatever they have that protects their smell" Zed replied.

"So, what now, how do we find them?" Zed pondered.

"We'll have to look for clues" Sasuke responded.

"This turning more and more into Scooby-Doo every f**king second!" Suigetsu laughed.

They all glared at the annoying son of a shark bitch.

"Okay, inappropriate comment I take it?" Suigetsu said.

They all nodded.

"So, let's find some blue's clues!" Suigetsu said and was met with a smacked on his head by Sasuke once again.


	8. Chapter 8

**Naruto-Puberty and Ninja Stuff II**

A Naruto Fanfic

A humorous version of the future

Involving lots of pubic stuff

By Niko SiMamu

Rated M (ooh)

Sequel Time!

Chapter 8: Kristian Angelo- the Fallen Angel

Yuri pulled out a candy cigarette and sucked on it. He held a tight glare as he sat on his own at the back of a tavern. He'd sent his comrades to get Orochimaru's daughter while he waited for the descendant of Jesus Christ and Mary Magdalene (F**k yeah, Da Vinci Code).

The latest 'prophet' was also known as 'the Fallen Angel' and even his name suited who he was.

A man in a leather jacket and pants walked over to Yuri and sat across from him. He looked at the Yuri with distaste and how he cured his former smoking addiction with a candy addiction.

"From one to another" he muttered.

Yuri smiled sarcastically and looked deep into the man's lifeless eyes. "Is it true? Are you both Christ and the anti-Christ? You are the rapture? Seems like a responsibility for a demi-God" Yuri mocked.

"I don't know. I know nothing but what I am told. Apparently I will seek out the evil in the world and vanquish them, everyone else leaving the battleground to transcend to heaven to find their greatest fantasy" The Fallen Angel replied.

"Now you're just stating what happened in American Dad" Yuri laughed.

"I can only believe what others tell me and that is one opinion. Are you my Stan Smith? Are you my sidekick?" The Fallen Angel asked.

"Kristian, is it?" Yuri questioned.

"Yes, Kristian Angelo. Kristian as an alternate spelling to the world 'Christian' and Angelo because it's 'Angel' with an 'o'" He replied.

"I see; well, Kristian, I am nor your sidekick nor your partner. _I am your leader_" Yuri informed him.

"You think you can control a God?" Kristian laughed.

"I have the inherited eye technique of a God" Yuri replied.

"Aren't you a cocky son of a _bitch_?" Kristian laughed.

"You could say that" Yuri answered.

Kristian's dark locks of hair fell over his face as he and Yuri faced each other in a deep glare where neither could afford to falter. Yuri's eyes flickered blood red and Kristian found himself locked in Tsukuyomi.

Kristian held his concentration and fought the visions entering his head. Kristian gritted his teeth and Yuri lost as he blinked at the sound of flapping wings. He looked around for where they were coming from and with the power of his eye technique he saw that spiritual wings had sprouted from Kristian's back.

"Nice party trick" Yuri mocked.

"Thank you" Kristian replied.

"I want to help you get rid of the evil in the world. Starting with the public enemy number one, Madara Uchiha" Yuri informed him.

"So you're an anti-Akatsuki organisation? Tell me, who have you recruited in your ranks?" Kristian questioned.

"Well, the three original members are the clones of Akatsuki's former group, Taka. I am Yuri Uchiha, clone of Sasuke Uchiha. My founding comrades are Shin Hozuki, clone of Suigetsu Hozuki, and Leon Rikaado, clone of Zed Rikaado. Other members include the leader of the Land of Tea, Sofia-"Yuri said and before he could say anymore he was interrupted by Kristian.

"You mean Sofia, the woman who parades around naked and rapes young men?" Kristian questioned.

"Yeah… she raped me too… but I let her in because she had power" Yuri explained.

"I see, also in your group is…?" Kristian asked, willing him to continue.

"Well, hopefully Sunēku no on'nanoko, daughter of Orochimaru" Yuri said.

"Hopefully?" Kristian questioned.

"The rest of my team are attempting to recruit her now" Yuri explained.

"So: the clone of an ex-rogue ninja who killed the 6th Hokage; the clone of the brother of one of the ex-swordsman of the mist and ex-student of deceased rogue ninja, Zabuza Momochi; the clone of the son of the Raikage; the rapist village leader of the land of tea and the daughter of deceased rogue ninja convicted of illegal experimentation and murder of the 3rd Hokage, Orochimaru. Quite the group you've formed there, and now you want the descendant of Christ?" Kristian summed up.

"Yep" Yuri replied.

"And you're sure you're the good guys and not the bad guys?" Kristian asked.

"Well our main mission is to eliminate the evilest organisation around in the Akatsuki but we also seek to achieve immortality by killing our original selves who are now ninjas of the leaf village. So, I'd say, we're more or less neutral" Yuri responded.

"I see, well, as a demi-God I don't have the ability to choose right or wrong so I think neutral is best for me" Kristian replied.

"I'm glad we have achieved your services. You will help us become worldly seen as the good guys. Now, time to go get you kitted up in our organisation's clothes" Yuri said.

"You mean I have to wear a gown with the word 'chokutō' in kanji on the back?" Kristian asked.

"Pretty much" Yuri replied.

"Cool."

"Why did they take that girl? What does she have that makes her so special?" Naruto pondered.

"I dunno, maybe she was kidnapped by the sound village, they were founded and led by a paedophile so they're probably all one too" Suigetsu replied.

"Now that is a racist opinion. That's like saying all Muslims are all terrorists. Just because some are doesn't mean they all are. There are bad people in all groups, like Judas in Jesus' apostles" Tsume lectured him.

"How come all of the FBIs most wanted terrorists are Muslim, or at least Asian?" Suigetsu reminded.

"Maybe the FBI is racist, I don't know" Tsume replied.

"Dude, you shouldn't say that. They're always watching, they might know that you said that" Naruto said.

"We're in a fictional universe, I don't think they care what happens here" Tsume replied.

"I don't know, man. You've got to be careful, that's my mum told me" Naruto replied.

"Dude, you've only ever met your mother once and it wasn't really her but a spiritual sort of thing. I don't think that's the kind of thing you would've asked" Sasuke said to him.

"It is Naruto, t. b. h." Suigetsu reminded him.

"Why are you speaking n text and facebook language?" Zed asked.

Suigetsu shrugged cluelessly leading to Zed to cup his head in his palm and sigh while Suigetsu smirked at his reaction.

"You know, Suigetsu, you're the equivalent of Naruto in Taka" Sasuke informed him.

"Wait, what? I'm the team idiot? No f**king way" Suigetsu moaned.

"Sorry to break the truth to ya',_ chum_" Sasuke said.

"Die, bitch" Suigetsu responded to being called '_chum_'.

"Will do, _chum_" Sasuke responded.

"Um, since when was Sasuke the funny one?" Zed questioned.

"Something is f**ked up, man. F**KED UP" Suigetsu responded.

"I know, right" Juugo added.

"Can we get back to saving the girl?" Sakura asked rhetorically, not really asking but telling sweetly.

"Sure, sure" Sasuke responded and they picked up the pace.

"Sasuke," Sakura began, "why did you try to kill me as Neji that one time(SPOILER: it's not necessarily true but it seems the most likely and Neji's eyes had a darkness that reminisced of Sasuke's)?"

"I dunno" Sasuke responded.

"You don't know?" Sakura repeated angrily.

"No, it's not that he doesn't know, it's that he dunno" Suigetsu corrected her.

"'Dunno' is the slang for 'don't know'" Sakura explained, cooling off.

"It is, ooohhh…. Nah, I'm kidding, I knew. I was just being pedantic" Suigetsu replied with a smile.

"I hate you" Sasuke muttered.

"Do you even know what 'pedantic' means?" Zed questioned.

"Now, come on, I know I'm the dumb one in Taka but I'm still not as stupid as Naruto" Suigetsu reminded them.

"True, true" they all murmured to each other.

"Hey!" Naruto shouted.

"Ssssshhhh!" they all sshed.

"Sorry" Naruto said and went silent.


	9. Chapter 9

**Naruto-Puberty and Ninja Stuff II**

A Naruto Fanfic

A humorous version of the future

Involving lots of pubic stuff

By Niko SiMamu

Rated M (ooh)

Sequel Time!

Chapter 9: Dream, Catch Me

"You know what we need?" Suigetsu asked rhetorically.

"To get back to the real mission?" Sasuke said.

"No, but that's a good point too. What we need is someone with a byakugan" Suigetsu replied.

"Yeah, that would come in handy. But we don't so we need to make do with what we have" Tsume said.

"Just saying, you guys are always such dicks to everything I say" Suigetsu moaned.

"That's because you're an idiot" Sasuke explained.

"And you're a self centred, revenge seeking, egotistical, emotionless c**t" Suigetsu responded.

"You better believe it" Sasuke responded with a 'pow pow' gun sign.

Suigetsu blinked twice and tutted with distaste. He sighed and pondered what to say but could not think of anything. Nothing else was said.

They found the trail had ended and so stopped off at a hotel. They put their stuff in their rooms and went downstairs to the bar. They entered a counter and asked for their drinks. They laughed together and told stories, eventually getting to the topic of what to do next on their mission.

"I think we need to ask around town and see if there are any other similar cases. Then we need to find out some background information on the girl and work from there. Try to find fingerprints and stuff" Tsume told them.

"We need to do it as quickly as possible, we have the main mission to get to" Sasuke reminded them.

"I don't know, I sense they may be connected" Tsume replied.

Sasuke bit his lip and raised an eyebrow as he blinked and looked away at the shine of a ring reflecting n to his eye.

The ring was around Sakura's left ring finger, it was gold with a diamond at the centre, it looked rather expensive.

"Sakura, is that… is that… are you married?" Sasuke questioned.

"Well, I didn't really know how to tell you this but I'm getting married next month" Sakura said with a little lifeless laugh.

"To who?" Sasuke demanded.

"Rock Lee" she replied, going quieter as she said it.

"Rock Lee? What the f**k? You rejected him so many times and now all of a sudden you're married, this is unbelievable!" Sasuke cried.

"Well, he doesn't leave every couple of years because he's too busy getting revenge to restart his clan and he actually cares about me. He'd be happy for me if I married someone before I met him because he's a true friend who'd bottle his feelings for me!" Sakura yelled.

Sasuke remained silent but glared down at her. "Excuse me" he mumbled and stormed out. He threw his new headband on the floor and spat on it. He strolled through town shooting out fire from his fingertips that looked almost like fireworks.

Houses and people blew up in flames as they were pierced by the flames. Tears streamed down Sasuke's face, dampening his pale complexion. His eyes fazing blood red and the veins on his eyes became more prominent. The flames turned black and people and houses started to incinerate. He found himself before the home of Rock Lee.

He blew the door open with one breath down his candy cigarette. Rock Lee's parents came to the door shouting but he knocked them out with Tsukoyomi. He walked upstairs, every stair creeping under his feet. Rock Lee came out of his room wearing a tux shouting:

"Mum, what's going on? Come help me get my tux back off please- Sasuke, hi, was'sup?" Rock Lee asked.

"You took my woman and now you're getting married to her, I turn my back for a year and a half and you scrape in with your s**t hair" Sasuke shouted.

"I'm sorry, man, but you left her and that hurt her. I would never do that" Rock Lee responded.

"So you say" Sasuke said and he pulled out his chokutō.

"Dude, if you were a true friend you would be happy for her, I would if she was with you. Be the good guy" Rock Lee said.

"No, you'd want to kill me but you'd know you couldn't because you're took weak and unable to use real jutsu, just simple taijutsu. Die, c**t" Sasuke said and fired Kirin through his chokutō, electrocuting Rock Lee to the extreme.

Rock Lee's body fell to the ground dead. Sasuke's eyes fazed back to onyx and he turned around to face Sakura at the doorway with wide eyes and tears welling up in her eyes.

"S-S-Sasuke…?" Sakura whimpered.

Sasuke looked down upon her coldly with his scarlet orbs and help her hand. He spoke to her something she couldn't quite make out. She tried to push him away with her fists as she screamed and cried. Sasuke repeated what he'd said before earlier louder.

"Sakura, wake up; Sakura, wake up, you're having a bad dream" Sasuke said and she opened her eyes.

"Wait, it was all just a dream?" Sakura said.

"What was it about?" Sasuke asked.

"Oh, nothing important" Sakura said and she hugged him tightly.

As they went down for breakfast Sakura was unable to look at Sasuke throughout. Sasuke remained with his Taka buddies doing what they did best: Fight, while she sat and spoke with Tsume and Naruto.

"When are you going to tell Sasuke about you and Lee?" Tsume questioned.

"I don't know," Sakura replied, "last night I had a dream about how he reacted. He destroyed the town and killed Lee and his family."

"You don't really think he'd do that? He seems more peaceful now than before, no longer at war with himself and anyone he meets" Tsume said.

"I'm not sure, I think he's keeping everything bottled up while he re-earns Tsunade's respect" Sakura responded.

Tsume nodded and held her hand, "I'm sure it'll be alright, if Sasuke truly cares about you he'll react how a friend should."

"Huh, that's what everyone said in the dream" Sakura replied, feeling sick.

Sasuke pulled out a candy cigarette and lit it with his finger. He strolled through the city layered with shopping stalls and food courts, a dusty path surrounding him. He pulled his candy cigarette out and sighed.

"So, shall we do this?" Sasuke said.

"Yep" Tsume said as he followed by the rest of the team.

"Should we split up?" Zed asked.

"Yeah, Zed and Juugo; Naruto and Sakura; Sasuke and Suigetsu; and I will go on my own" Tsume replied.

"Kk, let's do this" Suigetsu said, smiling at Sasuke who gritted his teeth against his candy cigarette.

"Kill me" Sasuke murmured which Suigetsu chuckled at.

"You and me are best buds forever" Suigetsu said grinning.

Sasuke pushed him away and walked off, "come on, Suigetsu" he said and Suigetsu scampered off after him.

Each group asked questions but didn't get as much as they'd hoped. All they'd found out was there'd been a couple of teenage abductions; all late at night, all teenage girls; all hot girls; all the girls were dressed like skanks; all had been at the bus stop.

They all then visited the parents of these girls and found out that the first girl abducted was just over a month ago.

"Okay, tonight, Sakura will dress like a skank and wait at the bus stop; these girls were all around our age. If all goes to plan they should try to abduct her. When they do come we will all jump out, ambush them and get them to tell us where the girls are" Tsume explained.

"Sounds like we've got quite the plan there" Suigetsu remarked.

"Yeah, let's hope it works" Sasuke said and they returned to the hotel to have tea.

A knocking sound rang through Sasuke and Suigetsu's room. Everyone's partnerships were the same as their roommates except for Sakura and Naruto; Sakura and Tsume switching around as Sakura was the only girl.

Sasuke got up from his bed and turned off the TV. He strolled over to the door and opened it with a click, on the other side of the door stood Sakura.

"Hi, we need to talk" she said, "May I come in?"

"Sure" he replied and stepped away from the door so she could come in.

She walked in and sat on his bed, looking around the room. The room had pinkie red wallpaper and the bed covers were white with frilly pillows. The carpet was a crimson colour and the doors were all white.

She looked at Suigetsu and said "could you give us a sec alone?"

"Sure" he replied and entered the bathroom, not fully closing the door; leaving it just about open enough to fit s camera lens through.

"While you were gone I felt very alone, so Rock Lee came over to comfort me. Things happened and now we're getting married next month. I just thought you'd want know. Here's your invitation if you want to come" Sakura said and handed him a sheet of paper with posh writing on it.

"Okay, I'm happy for you. I hope you enjoy a long marriage with bushy browed pink haired children" Sasuke said.

She laughed lifelessly and left.

"Dang, I thought you were going to have sex; what a letdown! Oh, sorry about losing your girl, man. Must be tough" Suigetsu remarked as he came back from the bathroom.

"What's to be sorry about, we were never really together" Sasuke said and lay back down on his bed, light tears streaming down his half closed eyes. He blinked;

And in a flash of red his hotel room was being destroyed by black flames.


	10. Chapter 10

**Naruto-Puberty and Ninja Stuff II**

A Naruto Fanfic

A humorous version of the future

Involving lots of pubic stuff

By Niko SiMamu

Rated M (ooh)

Sequel Time!

Chapter 10: Look me in the eyes

"Holy s**t, Sasuke! What the f**k are you doing?" Suigetsu screamed as he pulled Sasuke by his hood and dragged him out of the hotel room.

Sasuke remained lifeless and as Suigetsu forced him to run along the corridor towards the stairs black flames arose around them. They could hear screaming from behind the door and people frantically pulling their doors open and charging out.

Suigetsu smashed the fire alarm box and pulled the lever, Zed and Juugo joined the two of them. Question marks sprung to their faces and raised eyebrows.

"Fool found out Sakura's getting married to Bushy Brow and got mad" Suigetsu replied.

"Guess we're going to have to leave town again" Juugo remarked.

"God, this dick has got to learn to control his emotions, the quicker we get him out of here the better chance we have of Rock Lee not meeting one of Sasuke's revenge rages" Zed informed them thusly.

"Get off" Sasuke spoke up and threw Suigetsu off him.

"S**t, we're too late. He's going to kill Rock Lee and there's nothing we can do" Zed remarked as Suigetsu picked himself up.

"No" Sasuke remarked and raised his arms, all the flames sprung up and flowed up his arm, his mangekyou sharingan twisting and turning in his eyes.

"So, are you going to kill Rock Lee?" Sakura asked from behind him.

"No, but I'm afraid I can't be in this team anymore" Sasuke replied and left them to themselves.

"Do we follow him?" Suigetsu asked the fellow Taka members.

"I'm not sure" Zed responded.

"Yes" Juugo said and followed Sasuke. Suigetsu and Zed looked at each other and then followed Juugo.

It was a windy day as summer ended and autumn dawned upon the village. The training ground was practically bare with only two ninjas sat on a bench to provide scenery other than the trees and training equipment. These two ninjas were Sakura and Naruto.

"I can't wait to find out how Sasuke's going to explain himself to Tsunade about this!" Naruto said.

"Hum…." Sakura replied.

"Is something the matter, Sakura?" Naruto asked caringly.

"I'm… I'm not sure… I think I want to… No, no; but… I want to break up the engagement. I don't even love him, it's just that I never thought Sasuke would return" Sakura responded.

"Well, that's not something I can't decide for you, Sakura. That's a decision _**you**_ need to make" Naruto said.

"Yeah, I know" she snapped.

"I'm going to leave you to your thoughts" and Naruto got up and left the training ground, Sakura biting her lip as a cold breeze filled her.

Sasuke lay on top of a hill with his head in his arms as he rested on a smooth rock. He had a candy cigarette in his mouth and his eyes gently shut. He heard the hard puffing of a man running past him, he raised his left eye to see who was disturbing him.

"Morning, Sasuke" the one person he didn't want to see today.

"Lee" he replied sharply.

"So, did you hear about me and Sakura!" Rock Lee said joyously.

"Yep" Sasuke replied and sighed.

"Will you be attending our wedding?" Lee asked.

"I'll get back to you" he replied.

"Well, okay; but it would help us if you could get back to us quickly as we only have so much time left to get everything organised for a certain amount of people" Lee replied.

"I'll try to get back to you as quickly as possible" Sasuke said with a forced smile.

"Thank you" Lee said and left him to his thoughts.

Sasuke tried to get back to a state of rest but he only had one thing on his mind. He wrote it with his blood on one of the trees, underlining with his gentle tears. It said:

_**KILL ROCK LEE**_.

Although their previous mission had been re-assigned to another team the case of the missing girls was still to be found out. Tsume had taken it upon himself to solve. His team was on the bare, with only Ruusu (who'd been absent before because of an injury) and Naruto to help him.

It was late at night and Ruusu stood at the bus stop waiting for no particular bus. She was wearing a skimpy bikini and had thrown water on herself. She also had high heels and a very short mini-skirt that if she sat down all would be visible.

She bit her lip in expectation; feeling quite bored considering she'd been waiting a couple of hours and it was now going 1am. She tipped head back and rested her eyes.

In a flash of light she felt multiple arms wrap around her and her hair flowing through the air as she was pulled along. She opened her eyes wide and looked down in shock at the masked gentleman holding her.

"Get the fu-"she began before one of them muffled her voice with their hand.

She swiped a kunai from a pocket on the side of her leg and slashed across the one muffling her voice's face. He yelped and held his face in pain. She kicked wildly, doing the splits at the same time, and kicked two more of the five around her.

Ruusu pulled out a sword from thin air on her back and pushed the other two against the wall, her sword pressed half a centimetre away from their necks. The two held their breath as if they exhaled their neck would come into contact with the sword.

"Where are you taking all the girls?" she demanded.

"Who's asking?" one of them asked.

She looked at him with evil eyes and pushed the sword closer to him so that it was only a quarter of a centimetre away.

"Tell me, bitch. Unless you wanna say 'hi' from me to the devil" she threatened.

"Wait, I'll tell you" the other one said.

"Go on" she said, pulling the sword back to its original measurement.

"We're taking them back to our home, at the very end of town, and we're keeping them toys for experiments and sex, once we're done we either kill them or make them our permanent sex slave" he explained.

"You sick b*****d!" she shouted and smacked him round the face.

Tsume and Naruto stepped out from the shadows and entered the scene, crunching their fists and readying their weapons.

"What kinds of experiments?" Tsume demanded.

"Our leader is trying to find the perfect vessel to put his split personality into" the man explained.

"Take us to him" Tsume said and they were lead to these rapists' base.

Neji and TenTen trained at the training ground the usual way they do. One of TenTen's kunais was deflected by Neji into a tree. TenTen strolled over to collect it and was shocked by what she found written on the tree.

"Um… Neji… would you please come over here" she said and he walked over.

"What is it, TenTen?" he asked.

"Look" she said, pointing to the writing on the tree, Neji's mouth gaped open in shock.

_**KILL ROCK LEE**_.

"Who the f**k did this?" he demanded.

"I don't know, we need to show him this" TenTen replied.

"Let's go get him" Neji said and the two ran off to get Rock Lee and show him what they'd found.

The three of them and the two masked men entered a rundown part of the city. It was littered with litter and other disgusting remnants. The five houses around them looked like they could fall down any minute.

The three were led into the best looking house, and that was saying something considering how horrible this house looked. The room was totally dark and the only light was moonlight coming from a window on the left that meant you could see the bottom of the room. There were tables around the room with bodies on them that they weren't sure if they were dead or alive as each body had ripped clothes and looked awfully pale. There were bottles of blood and chemicals on shelves on the wall. In the centre of the bottom you could see half a chair with half of someone in it because the light meant you couldn't see the top of the chair.

The three of them tried to work out who was on the chair but it was made easier for them when the person slowly rose from the chair and spoke in a voice that sounded like two at once, one sounded normal but the other sounded slithery and sent chills down their spine.

The person said "Who is this you've brought- Oh, what a pleasure, if it isn't my old chum from my younger days, Naruto Uzumaki."

"Oh, f**k me" Naruto moaned.

They brought Rock Lee to the tree where he was shocked by what he saw. His mouth gaped open and he remained speechless for a while until he was able to utter "Who… who would do this? Who wants to kill me?"

"Do you have any enemies?" TenTen asked.

"Not that I know of" Rock Lee replied.

Someone jumped from the tree and landed in the trees shadows. The person looked up so that the glint of their eye shone in the moonlight. The only thing you could make out of the person because of the shadows was their blood red eyes. The person spoke, uttering those cursed words on the tree.

"_**KILL ROCK LEE**_."

Okay, readers, I may not be able to write chapter 11 in the next few weeks as I have exams between June 20-23 and for now I need to revise. I'll try but I'll only be able to write in my spare time. I'll try to finish it as quickly as possible. Shame this was the cliff-hanger I had to leave for now on, right? :D


	11. Chapter 11

**Naruto-Puberty and Ninja Stuff II**

A Naruto Fanfic

A humorous version of the future

Involving lots of pubic stuff

By Niko SiMamu

Rated M (ooh)

Sequel Time!

Chapter 11: Marvel Geek Uchiha

"Been a while, Naruto" the man in the shadows said, stepping out from the dark.

"Kabuto Yakushi," Naruto muttered, "or are you Orochimaru now?"

"Both" Kabuto/Orochimaru replied.

Kabuto still had his grey hair but it now flowed down his neck like Orochimaru's back in the day. Kabuto's skin was a very pale Caucasian. Kabuto had Orochimaru's purple wrapped eye sockets but his eyes were slightly wider but still had the slit golden pupil. He wore a dark opened gown that showed him to be wearing a white vest and dark trousers. His snake toil coiled around his body, as it stuck out the back of his robe.

"Now, it's a shame this little encounter has to be cut short but I'm afraid I will only face a real meeting with you if Sasuke is here as I have some real catching up to do with him. Ta ta for now, dear chum" Kabuto said and he and all the bodies in the room disappeared. Where he stood only a small piece of paper was left with writing on it.

Tsume picked it up and read it:

"'_Meet me here tomorrow,__** ALL OF YOU**__"_" it read.

"K.k." Naruto said.

Sasuke sat down at a stool at a bar and remained silent. He pulled out one of his candy cigarettes and lit it with his finger; he'd keep it in his mouth until it burns his mouth.

"You can't smoke in here, sir" the bartender informed him.

"I'm not smoking, this is just a candy cigarette on fire" Sasuke retorted.

"Well, if you want to stay in this bar you'd better order a drink or I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to leave" the bartender replied.

Sasuke sighed, "very well, I shall order."  
"A beer I presume?" the bartender asked.

"No; water, please, I'm underage" Sasuke replied.

"Okay" the bartender said and started to fill a cup with tap water. "Do you want ice?"

"Sure, I suppose I do need some cooling down" Sasuke replied.

The bartender plopped some ice cubes in the water and passed the drink to him. "That'll be ¥258 (£2/$3.20)" the bartender told him.

Sasuke poured the water into his open mouth, glugging down his throat. He put the empty cup on the table and sighed and then looked up to the bartender. He placed the money on the table and got up to leave.

"See ya, around" he said unmeaninfully.

Sasuke turned a corner down an alleyway with his head down, he heard screaming and yelping further ahead. He strolled down to see what was causing all the commotion. He looked up to see a group of men cornering a young woman.

"For f**k's sake, get some dignity you stupid whore and stop shouting like a damsel in distress" he said and walked past.

"You wanna join this little gang bang, friend?" one of them said.

"Nah, I'm good, but I'm afraid I can't allow rape on my watch as a senior member of the ANBU" Sasuke said and pulled out his chokutō.

"Dude" one of them said.

"Dude, get away from that screaming bitch" Sasuke replied.

They started to pull out their shankers (urban dictionary define: ordinary tool turned into a weapon, an Urban English term), much to Sasuke's annoyance. "You know we've all got shankers in our pockets" Sasuke said, "just mine aren't in my pockets, there attached to my coat and I have ten of them with paper on them that explodes."

Sasuke put his chokutō back in its sheath by his side and opened his coat up wide to expose to them his 'shankers'. He pulled out six and slotted three in each hand between his knuckles.

"Look at me everyone, I'm Wolverine!" Sasuke shouted and charged at them.

They raced at him to do combat, with Sasuke's Sharingan he read their every move and countered it with each hand. As one came marauding at him he flipped over him and kicked the wannabee gangster in the back, knocking the wannabee to the floor. Sasuke landed on his hands in a handstand with his 'shankers' still between his fingers, finishing the move off by landing back on his feet comfortably.

"At this rate I may need an energy drink," Sasuke remarked, "and I was wrong; I'm not Wolverine, I'm more like Deadpool with Wolverine's claws as Wolverine tends to not make jokes while fighting."

"Comic geek" one of them remarked as he came at Sasuke.

Sasuke jumped over him and placed a 'shanker' inside his hoodie, scraping his finger along the note attached to signify it was time to blow up.

The 'shanker' blew up and knocked the man out.

"And that move I dedicate to good old Gambit, parce que c'était une très bonne" Sasuke said, looking around for his next opponent but he'd dealt with all of them.

"Well, that was boring; I didn't even break a sweat" Sasuke remarked.

The young women that the 'gangsters' had attempted to rape strolled over to Sasuke, waving her hips in the way that sexy women supposedly do but she did it to the extent that it looked like she had a hip problem. She had long way blonde hair and blue eyes, she was wearing a polka dot bikini top that was wet and made her nipples stick out; complementing this with an incredibly short mini skirt and high heels.

"Thank you so much, for that I think you deserve a present. Wanna f*k?" she said with a devious flirtatious smile, leaning on his shoulder.

"No, I don't f**k whores voluntarily ('_I do on the other hand get raped by f**king whores_' Sasuke thought to himself while speaking)" Sasuke replied.

"Um, how am I a whore if I just rejected sex from those rapists?" she demanded.

"Well firstly, women dress for what they want to be and judging by what you wear you're dressing to become a whore with that incredibly short mini skirt and bikini top that you've thrown water on to make your nipples stick out;" Sasuke replied, "and secondly, you don't just say thank you for someone helping you but instead you offer them sex."

The young women stood shocked in silence as Sasuke walked away, placing a newly lit candy cigarette in his mouth before his old one had fallen out his mouth while fighting.

"Oi, Uchiha-c**t" someone said from behind Sasuke.

Sasuke swiftly turned around to face Naruto with a raised eyebrow, "what do you want? I quit the team and am now going by as a lone agent" Sasuke told him.

"Well, I'm afraid leaving the team isn't going to be that easy, chum" Naruto replied.

"I see; what do you want me to do?" Sasuke asked.

"It turns out Orochimaru/Kabuto are responsible for the kidnapping" Naruto said.

"Are they trying to find a new host body for Orochimaru?" Sasuke asked.

"No, that's what they want you for" Naruto replied.

"Of course" Sasuke remarked.

"We found them but they disappeared and left a note saying they'd meet with us but only if our whole team came, mostly wanting you. I don't know what research they're doing but I'm sure we'll find out during the meeting" Naruto informed him.

"I see, I guess leaving the team isn't going to be that easy then" Sasuke replied.

Naruto smiled.

They met at the bus stop where the girls had been kidnapped and then walked to where Naruto, Tsume and Ruusu had met Orochimaru/Kabuto last time. There were five of them for the mission: Sasuke, Naruto, Tsume, Suigetsu and Sakura.

Sasuke pulled out a candy cigarette and lit it as they entered the Orochimaru complex. Before them was no longer rows of houses but one massive building that spelled doom all over it.

"Oh, f**k my life" Sasuke murmured.

Tsume walked up to the door and knocked on it, the door opening as he knocked it – nobody was on the other side.

Tsume turned to them with a raised eyebrow but Sasuke pushed him in to the house, Sasuke following behind him. The others lagged behind unsure what to do.

"Come on" Sasuke said and they did so.

As they attempted to look around they could see nothing, Naruto reached around for a light switch and found one. Before the lights turned on there was a low grumbling sound coming from above and all around them, Sakura thought she saw something run past on all ours but decided she was imagining things in fear.

As the light flickered on they saw they were surrounded from head to toe by freaky creatures with red eyes, dusty fur, crouched down and drool hanging from their lips. There was something oddly human about them yet they couldn't think why.

"Oh, f**k my f**king life!" Sasuke murmured.

Sasuke made some hand signs and attempted to conjure up the hands signs for a chidori but nothing appeared. As Sasuke attempted to conjure one up over and over again with no results a voice rang through the building in a slivery tone.

"Oh and you'll be interested to know that while you're here your ninjutsu and genjutsu won't work. Also you'll be facing what I've been experimenting on over these past few weeks, do you like my work?" the voice said. It was Orochimaru/Kabuto.

"I've seen better" Suigetsu replied.

"Really?" the voice asked.

"Well some of your earlier work was much better than this, this is child's play for someone of your calibre, Orochimaru-san" Suigetsu responded.

"Well, I'm sorry to hear that but I disagree" the voice said.

"Each to their own" Suigetsu replied.

"I suppose," the voice murmured, "oh and TTFN, Ta ta for now, lads."

And the voice ceased to speak again.

"It appears we've encountered a problem" Sasuke said, throwing his cigarette on the floor.

"I think a problem is an understatement" Suigetsu replied.

"I don't know about that" Sasuke responded.

"Dude" Suigetsu murmured.

"Anyone got any gasoline?" Sasuke asked.

"Why would we have any gasoline?" Tsume said.

"Ah, well, it appears Suigetsu was right for once. We definitely have more than a problem" Sasuke said.

"We could just run away through the door" Naruto suggested, pulling at the door handles and door but it would not open. Naruto then decided he shouldn't be pulling but pushing and so did so with the same results. "F**k, it appears we're locked in" Naruto informed them.

"F**k" Suigetsu said.

"F**k this s**t" Sakura said angrily and punched the door but even with her super strength it didn't work.

"Oh, f**k" Tsume whined.

Sasuke took a deep breath and sighed, "F**k… my… Life!" he shouted.

The creatures lunged with an almighty snarl, growl and grumble. Screams could be heard all through the building but no one outside could hear.


	12. Chapter 12

**Naruto-Puberty and Ninja Stuff II**

A Naruto Fanfic

A humorous version of the future

Involving lots of pubic stuff

By Niko SiMamu

Rated M (ooh)

Sequel Time!

Chapter 12: Just a bunch of Average Joes

Suigetsu whipped his might blade and smacked a bunch of creatures away. E was glad he hadn't send Zabuza's sword back into the scroll as, otherwise, he wouldn't be able to access it as he couldn't use any jutsus.

Tsume's cat scurried up his leg and into his top quicker than you can say 's**t'. Tsume gulped as one the creatures came flying at him. In a swift movement he pulled out a necklace from his pocket with the claws and teeth of those tiger creatures that were around when after Anko saw Orochimaru during the chunin exams.

Tsume slapped the creature round the face with the necklace so that it was scarred across its face. The creature tripped over, gripping its face in its 'hands'.

As one of the creatures catapulted towards Sakura she smacked it round the head with one almighty punch, sending it flying through the building.

"That's what I thought, bitch" she cried.

"Is your strength… not a… jutsu?" Naruto asked.

"No, baby, it's all me" Sakura replied as Naruto gulped.

Naruto attempted to become one with the demon fox but it was no use, the house must be stopping him from accessing the cage where the beast lies. When Naruto came across that part in his mind there was only total darkness.

As a beast came rushing at Naruto the beast sliced in half by the blade of Sasuke Uchiha, who stood before him.

"You really need to learn some upper level taijutsu, Naruto" Sasuke mocked.

"Shuddup" Naruto whined in reply.

"Who'd have thought it? Rock Lee's ability to only use taijutsu would've come in useful in this situation" Tsume stated.

"I know, right" Sasuke agreed.

"What should we do?" Sakura asked.

"Run like the wind" Tsume replied and the five did so, down the hallway.

The hallway was dark, only lit by candles that made it hard to see what was up ahead. All they could do is judge by sound and hope for the best. They could hear snarling and growling and the patter of quick footsteps behind them but they daren't look back.

Sasuke pulled a firework out of his cloak and lit it with his cigarette. He then proceeded to kiss it good luck and throw it behind him; hearing the firework blow up behind him, closing his eyes in hope that it succeeded. But it didn't.

The creatures were now even angrier and running even faster, running with a vengeance.

"Where did the firework come from?" Tsume questioned.

"I can manipulate fireworks as part of one of my jutsus" Sasuke replied.

"I see" Tsume muttered.

"Stop!" Naruto shouted, and they did so.

"What is it?" Tsume asked.

"There are more up ahead," Naruto replied, "listen."

They listened carefully and could hear more snarls up ahead. They were surrounded with nowhere else to go. Sasuke pulled a necklace with a miniature metal Uchiha fan hanging of it and kissed it and then did the Christian thing of going across his head to represent 'the father, the son, and the holy spirit'.

"When I shout go, run as fast you can in the direction I am" Sasuke said.

"Wait, what?" Naruto questioned.

"Just f**king do it!" Sasuke shouted and charged in the direction they came, full throttle, with his blade in his hand.

Sasuke swiped at the millions of creatures that dived on top of him, all that he could leave was the echo of his final shout 'Go!'

And they did so.

Sakura kicked and screamed as she was pulled away by Suigetsu and Tsume. Naruto remained still and lifeless as he saw what looked to be his best friend's death. He was unable to blink the tears out and remained totally still.

Memories between Sasuke and Naruto flashed before his eyes. The first time they met at ninja school, becoming Team 7, their first mission, the chunin exam, fending off Gaara, trying to bring Sasuke back, Meeting Sasuke again at Orochimaru's former base when Sasuke entered his mind, seeing Sasuke attempt to kill Sakura, when they were in the forest, finding out who Yuri was and when Sasuke returned recently.

Naruto shut his eyes as the creatures from the other end lunged upon him. He remained silent as he shut his eyes and pictured himself at the nine tailed fox's gate. He felt around for something in the dark and found the gate in the darkness.

"Kyuubi?" Naruto said aloud.

"_Naruto_" a feeble voice said from within the darkness.

"Where are you?" Naruto asked.

"I'm here, but I feel invisible, like I'm dying. But I'm not" Kyuubi replied.

"What should I do?" Naruto asked.

"Feel around in front of you" Kyuubi told him.

"Okay" and Naruto did so. He felt around until he felt a cord hanging down. "What is this?" he asked.

"A switch, pull on it" Kyuubi told him.

As Naruto did so his mind lit up and he could see Kyuubi in front of him. Naruto smirked.

Back in the real world an explosion erupted around the creatures that were sent flying away from a radiant lightning blue Naruto stood in their wake. He was in Kyuubi form.

"Sasuke" Naruto said, his voice echoing all around.

Yuri coiled up in the floor shouting and screaming in pain. "Aw, help me! I'm f**king dying! What the f**k are you doing, you f**king moron Sasuke?" he cried.

When Leon came next to him with Sofia asking what they could do he battered them away and told them to 'f**k off'. They weren't sure what to do.

Yuri was in such a rage he tried to use Chidori to lightning shock everything around him but nothing would work.

"So if Sasuke can't use his jutsus as a time, neither can I? Oh f**king great!" Yuri whined.

Naruto and Sasuke stepped away from a pile of dead creatures, battered and covered in injuries. Sasuke had a dislocated shoulder and broken arm on his right side and scratches all down his back and left arm and up his shoulder. He was slouched with messy hair and his scars on his face had become newly ripe and red with blood, requiring new scars as well.

Naruto, on the other hand, only had a few bruises as he was in the almost untouchable Kyuubi state. Sasuke's left arm hung around Naruto's shoulder as Naruto helped Sasuke walk for Sasuke was limping as he had a twisted ankle.

"Thank you, Naruto" Sasuke said.

"You're welcome" Naruto replied.

"How did you unlock your jutsus?" Sasuke asked.

"You've got to pull on a switch deep down in the darkness of your mind. You need to feel around" Naruto replied.

"I'm not sure I want to go deep down inside my mind. It's not a pleasant place. Filled with revenge and all that" Sasuke said.

"Fine;" Naruto replied, "but tell me, why did you do that? Charging into save us isn't like you, what's up?"

"I don't want to talk about it" Sasuke replied and he strayed away from Naruto, hopping further in front. Naruto sighed deeply and rubbed his forehead because of how he wished to help his friend and his troubles.

Sasuke found himself a decent distance away from Naruto and sat down in a dark spot where no one could see him. He groaned in pain as he sat down on the hard ground, cursing with his familiar catchphrase from the last chapter.

Sasuke pulled out a candy cigarette and lit it with his finger, sucking on it and closing his eyes. He tried to find the dark place in his mind where the switch was but most of his mind was dark or a deep night purple colour. He could feel a deep silence inside.

He heard different voices representing different emotions he was feeling. Sadness- for he'd lost what could be the, as TV puts it, 'the love of his life'; Guilt- for running off and not talking to the concerned friend that had just saved his life; Anger- at himself for all his mistakes and how they were affecting him now; Regret- for leaving for a reason that proved incredibly stupid and that had left him in a state of constant avenging; revenge- against Madara, for all the pain the man had caused him over the years.

As Sasuke thought all these things to himself he was disturbed by a heavy growl in front of him from the real world. He opened his eyes suddenly to see a creatures a couple of inches away, he could small the creatures foul breath and feel the creature's saliva dripping on to him.

He remained perfectly still but his heart was racing quicker than Usain Bolt. He gulped and took a deep breath.

"Nice ugly creature thingy; don't hurt me, please" Sasuke mumbled as the creature replied with a growl, not fond of being called ugly, clearly.

The creatures dived on to him; Sasuke yelped as he threw the creature a few metres away and ran as fast as his twisted ankle would let him, thanking himself for becoming so very naturally quick. He looked back to see the creatures charging after him, getting closer with every bound.

"Oh, f**k my life!" he shouted, all so reminiscently.


	13. Chapter 13

**Naruto-Puberty and Ninja Stuff II**

A Naruto Fanfic

A humorous version of the future

Involving lots of pubic stuff

By Niko SiMamu

Rated M (ooh)

Sequel Time!

Chapter 13: Mind Control

Sasuke ran as fast as his legs would take him with his injury, he looked back to see the creature gaining on him as it leapt great bounds to get to him. He shut his eyes and growled in pain and fear. He pulled out a kunai and threw it at the creature. The creature jumped out of the way and looked back at him with a hefty growl and anger in its eyes.

Sasuke looked back at it, their eyes locked. Sasuke was paralysed in fear, something he hadn't felt since the first time he met Orochimaru. He closed his eyes and entered the real of his mind. Feeling around in the dark for the switch Naruto spoke of. He felt something and pulled on it, the light came on, the room was still quite dark but the area had a blood red sky, the moon was the sharingan.

As Sasuke looked into the sharingan in the red sky his eyes shot open as the eternal mangekyou sharingan. He stared at the creature and smiled. He looked into the creature's eyes and entered its mind.

He then walked towards the creature and patted its fury head. The creature did not attack him. He had taken control of its mind with his sharingan like Danzo did with that guy who chose who'd be in charge of the joint army when the five kages met.

Sasuke then limped slowly; the creature followed him as his servant.

Sakura, Tsume and Suigetsu had split up to confuse the creatures. The creatures split up as well and chased the three.

Sakura raced down the corridor as the creatures chased her, hot on her footsteps. Tears drenched her face as she breathed heavily. She looked before her to see the end of the line, a dead end.

"Oh, s**t!" she cried in distress.

The creatures stopped running and slowly walked towards her for dramatic effect. She shut her eyes so she couldn't see them jump and rip her to shreds. But nothing happened. She opened her eyes to see the creatures turning back. She saw Sasuke walk towards her and put his hand out towards her.

She gripped his hand as he pulled her. She noticed a red glint in his eye and raised an eyebrow.

"How come you have your sharingan back?" she asked.

"Look into your mind, find the darkness; then feel around for the switch and pull on it. The light will turn on and your ability to use ninjutsu and genjutsu will return" Sasuke replied.

"So are you using your sharingan to control the creatures?" she asked as they strolled along to find the others, the creatures followed them as mindless servants.

"Yup" he replied.

"How are you able to use jutsus?" she asked.

"You have to find the switch in your mind. And I don't mean a metaphorical switch, I mean a literal switch you have to pull on, then the lights turn on and your jutsus are unlocked" Sasuke replied.

"Are you having a laugh?" Sakura demanded.

"No, oddly enough" Sasuke replied.

Sakura gave him a peculiar look but still shut her eyes and looked for the switch. She found the dark area and felt around, she felt the switch and pulled on it. All of a sudden she felt restored somehow. Maybe it was from the switch or maybe it was just the relief of her jutsu ability returning.

As they bombarded through the house they came to the top of the house, every creature was now under Sasuke's control. They opened the door that led to a staircase leading to the loft. They walked up the staircase to a dark room. Tsume smelt the air and detected that people were there.

"Orochimaru" Sasuke shouted.

"Yes, dear" the snake paedo retorted.

"Where did these creatures come from?" Tsume demanded.

"From the people I kidnapped of course dear, I injected animal DNA into them and made them more feral by depriving them off food for a few days and then disciplined them not to attack me" Orochimaru replied.

"You disgust me" Sasuke said.

"These are people? I killed some of them, oh f**k. How do we undo what you've done?" Naruto demanded.

"You can't" Orochimaru replied.

"Creatures; kill Orochimaru and Kabuto" Sasuke said.

"They're scared of me, they won't attack me" Orochimaru said.

"They will if they're under my command" Sasuke said and Team Neko left Orochimaru and Kabuto with the creatures.

The team returned the next morning to see if they could find the creatures or the bodies of their nemeses. They found creatures littered across the floor, dead. They couldn't find Orochimaru or Kabuto. Or even their remnants.

"What the f**k went down here last night?" Suigetsu questioned.

"God knows" Zed replied.

"Looking back now, we probably should've locked the door" Sakura said, using hindsight.

"We didn't think they'd kill all the creatures. Even in Orochimaru's darkest days as he reaches his older years living in poor conditions he's still stronger than your average ninja. A true sanin" Tsume said.

"What're we going to tell Granny Tsunade?" Naruto pondered.

"How can she be a granny when she has a rack like that, I have not seen any sagging, mate" Suigetsu replied.

"That's because of her constant youth jutsu thingy" Sakura replied as she walked around the room.

The creatures, now dead, were slowly turning back into their human form. Team Neko left the room with saddened faces.

"Well, guess we f**ked up. There goes our 99% mission success rate" Tsume said.

"What's the 1%?" Sasuke asked.

"Accidentally letting Sasuke and his team escape" Tsume replied.

"Ah, sorry about that" Sasuke apologised.

"No need, you're righting your sins now, chum" Tsume said.

"Thanks mate" Sasuke replied.

The team stepped into Tsunade's office with looks of failure and embarrassment on their face. They looked at Tsunade and her 34HH cups.

"So I hear you caught Orochimaru and Kabuto?" she asked pleasantly.

"Yeah, funny thing about that…" Naruto replied.

Tsunade's expression changed to distaste, "what happened?"

"Well, we left Orochimaru and Kabuto in a room with mangy creatures waiting to rip them limb from limb, these creatures by the way are what Orochimaru created using animal DNA and the people he kidnapped from around the city. When we returned in the morning all the creatures were dead and Orochimaru and Kabuto was nowhere to be seen" Tsume explained.

"Turns out we forgot to lock the door as we were so sure they'd be dead in the morning" Naruto finished.

Tsunade's nose crinkled and anger filled her face, "you f**king idiots!"

"Let's not resort to name calling" Suigetsu joked, afterwards wishing he hadn't as she jumped over the table and smacked him through the window with her… chest.

"Holy s**t!" Zed cried.

"Cool" Naruto muttered as he looked at Tsunade's weapon.

"Keep looking and you're next" Tsunade threatened.

He looked up again.

"Look, Lord Hokage, all is not lost;" Tsume began, "we can form a tracking team to search for him he can't have gotten too far as he's still weak from his soul only recently being put in a new host."

"Who do you suggest: The Inuzukas?" Tsunade asked.

"F**k no" Tsume cried as she mentioned his clan's fierce rivals.

"Then who?" she asked.

"Myself- for a cat's nose is just as good (you stupid bitch); Neji Hyuga- using his byakugan; Sasuke- using his sharingan; Suigetsu- he can travel by water; and Zed- he can feel electrical impulses in the body" Tsume replied.

"Seems like it's all been well thought out" Tsunade replied.

"Yup" Tsume replied.

And Team Neko was dismissed.

Tsume waited at the gate for the rest of his track team to appear. So far only newbie, Neji Hyuga, and Zed had arrived. They were still waiting on Suigetsu and Sasuke.

"Didn't you tell them it was time to go before you left?" Tsume asked Zed, for all of Taka lived in the Uchiha compound together.

"Yeah, they said they'd be here soon" Zed replied.

"For God's sake, I was very potent about not being tardy. I said 8 o'clock sharp, now it's almost 8, 30! We're losing valuable tracking time, the longer we wait the further the two could be getting" Tsume moaned.

"They're coming, don't worry. Those two both have a bone to pick with the snake paedo b*****d" Zed replied.

"They better be" Tsume replied.

Sasuke and Suigetsu were then seen strolling slowly towards them, arguing. Sasuke then smacked Suigetsu round the head as they reached the others.

"What did he do?" Zed asked.

"He asked if I was going to be giving him any new material now we're back in Konoha for his 'site'" Sasuke told him.

"What did you reply?" Zed asked.

"No, of course" Sasuke replied.

"Is this what's it's normally like?" Neji asked Tsume.

"Yup" Tsume replied.

After some harsh words between teammates the team finally left, jumping into the trees and racing along as they jumped from branch to branch.


	14. Chapter 14

**Naruto-Puberty and Ninja Stuff II**

A Naruto Fanfic

A humorous version of the future

Involving lots of pubic stuff

By Niko SiMamu

Rated M (ooh)

Sequel Time!

Chapter 14: To Kill a Snake Paedo

As they leapt from tree to tree Tsume caught the scent and directed Neji to focus in the direction the faint scent had wafted into his acute animal enhanced nostrils. The smell was musty and smelt tropical and leathery- like a snake. He could also smell Kabuto who smelt like the average Joe on the run.

Neji directed his vision in the direction and look with his 360 degree byakugan. He was at first unable to see anything but as they got closer he started to see two figures in the distance.

"I see them, keep going this way" Neji said, raising his hand in the direction Tsume had just sent them.

"M'kay" Suigetsu said, bringing back a topic Suigetsu hoped Sasuke had forgotten.

"Aw, hell to the no, what the f**k did you just say fish f**ker?" Sasuke shouted at Suigetsu.

"Bit harsh there, mate, m'kay" Suigetsu replied.

"What did I tell you before?" Sasuke demanded.

"Not to say 'm'kay', m'kay" Suigetsu replied.  
"And yet you've just said it three times" Sasuke said.

"Did I, m'kay?" Suigetsu asked.

"Aw, hell to the no!" Sasuke shouted.

"Wait, wait, wait!" Zed shouted.

"What?" Sasuke asked.

"Did you just use a black guy expression twice? Dude, not cool" Zed said.

"Um, sorry, dude; I didn't realise, I won't use it again" Sasuke apologised; he knew his white boy boundaries.

They started to carry on, Suigetsu hoping that Sasuke had forgotten until Neji brought it up again which made Sasuke look at him with death eyes.

"So you thought you could weasel away, 'ey?" Sasuke growled.

"Focus" Tsume demanded.

"Fine, I'll deal with you later, Suigetsu" Sasuke replied, Suigetsu hoping he'd forget again.

As they got closer to the steady walking of Orochimaru and Kabuto they began to wonder why the two were moving so slowly.

"Maybe it's because Orochimaru's still weak after getting a new body?" Zed suggested

"No, Kabuto would carry him if it were. They're smart; they'd know they'd need to make a hasty getaway. It's a trap" Sasuke replied.

"So, what, do we attack them?" Neji asked.

"Suigetsu, go attack them" Sasuke said.

"Why me?" Suigetsu demanded.

"Because if you do it I won't you later" Sasuke growled.

Suigetsu sighed, "Fine".

Suigetsu grumbled a bit but started to walk in the direction of Kabuto and Orochimaru, he stopped and looked back with whimpering eyes but Sasuke gestured to keep on going and hurry up, Suigetsu whimpered in response but was ignored and carried on.

"We'll be right behind you for backup" Tsume called.

"Shuddup, I'll already have been touched by that snake paedo by then" Suigetsu cried.

"Oh, so that's why he's so damn scared" Zed said.

"I thought he was scared of what the after effects could be" Neji replied.

"Guess we were wrong" Sasuke gestured.

Suigetsu continued to stroll towards Orochimaru and Kabuto in slow motion to which Sasuke shouted "pick up the pace, man, my entire dead family can go quicker than that and they're frickin' dead bodies!" Suigetsu picked up the pace ever so slightly.

"More" and he picked it up a bit more.

"Like we were when we're getting here" Sasuke shouted.

"But then I didn't have to worry as much as I had you guys with me for the way" Suigetsu cried.

"Suigetsu" Sasuke said, giving him a parental look.

Suigetsu grumbled and wept but he picked up the pace to speed walking.

"That's not the right pace" Sasuke shouted.

"Aw, come on!" Suigetsu cried.

"If you don't I'm going to get you there myself by kicking you up the ass like I was goalkeeper taking a goal kick in football (no, not soccer - **FOOTBALL**. You're version of football should be called American rugby, not American football)" Sasuke told him and finally Suigetsu ran at the right pace.

"Dude, harsh" Zed said.

"We don't have all day" Sasuke replied.

"Why?" Zed asked.

"I promised I'd help Sakura wedding dress shop later" Sasuke replied.

"Lol, you're her gay best friend now, mate" Tsume laughed.

"Zed, I need permission to say it" Sasuke said.

"Go ahead" Zed replied.

"Thank you," Sasuke said, "Aw, hell to the no!"

"Focus" Neji said.

Suigetsu made his way towards the two villains and leapt from the trees wildly with Zabuza's blade arise. He jumped down like a monkey from the trees. He swung his blade around Kabuto's head and sliced it off and then thrust his blade through Orochimaru's body.

The two then exploded, catching Suigetsu in the blast. He fell through the air in to a tree, turning into water to avoid a bad impact as he thumped into the tree.

"It was trap, guys!" he murmured, "oh, s**t." he then said as he saw two kunai shoot at him. One exploded into a net which fell over him and stuck to the ground so he couldn't get out, the other was bull's eye on his forehead.

He realised that he would have to remain made of water for the foreseeable future as he couldn't move from the net and if he turned back to a solid he'd have a kunai in his head and as he was now made of water he'd slid to the floor so that some of his body was hanging out of the net, if he returned to normal the net would be inside of him, along with the kunai that was inside his liquid form.

Orochimaru and Kabuto fell from the trees with wide smirks. Orochimaru strolled towards him and pulled his trousers down. He then urinated on Suigetsu so that his liquid form now had added flavouring, like at a swimming pool.

Orochimaru and Kabuto burst out into laughter at this until a sword slashed through Kabuto's neck, Kabuto's head falling to the floor with a plunk. It was Sasuke's chokutō.

"Huh, guess these two are real ones" Sasuke muttered as he turned to Orochimaru and sliced his loose genitals off. Orochimaru screamed and looked at him with water filled eyes.

"Sasuke-kun" Orochimaru said.

"What the f**k did you just call me?" Sasuke shouted as he sliced Orochimaru's left arm off.

"Oh, my f**king God!" Orochimaru cried in pain as he grabbed his arm that was spouting out blood.

Neji fell behind Orochimaru and touched some of his points, making all the rest of his body limp, falling to the ground. Orochimaru eventually fainted due to blood loss.

"Wow that was surprisingly easy. I'd thought there'd be a major battle" Zed said.

"How do we know they're real?" Sasuke asked.

"Did they explode like a bomb?" Tsume reminded.

"True, speaking of which isn't there something we need to do now?" Sasuke replied.

"I'm not sure" Zed replied, the two cupping and stroking their chins in deep thought.

"Ah, yes, save Suigetsu" Sasuke said.

They then walked over to Suigetsu and lifted up the net and looked gazingly down at him.

"I kinda like him when he can't talk" Zed said.

"Yeah, so nice and peaceful" Sasuke replied.

"Um, I ain't taking the kunai out, Orochimaru peed on it" Zed said.

"Well, I'm not either" Sasuke replied.

"So what do we do?" Zed said and the two looked to Neji and Tsume.

"Not me."

"Not me."

Tsume and Neji said in quick succession but Neji came second.

"Aw, man" Neji moaned.

"Guess it's the new guy then" Sasuke said.  
"Guess so" Zed replied.

"But-" Neji complained.

"No buts, just do" Sasuke said.

"Fine" and Neji did so. He lifted the kunai out of Suigetsu while wheezing and threw it quickly while crying 'ew, ew, ew' several times and then when Suigetsu phased back he wiped it on Suigetsu's top.

"Aw, why on me?" Suigetsu moaned.

Neji looked at him with 'you know why' eyes.

"Ah, right" Suigetsu said.

Sasuke then picked Orochimaru's body up and put it in a funeral bag with the zip slightly undone, and then slung him on his shoulder.

"Right, let's get back" he said and they trotted back home with their prisoner.


	15. Chapter 15

**Naruto-Puberty and Ninja Stuff II**

A Naruto Fanfic

A humorous version of the future

Involving lots of pubic stuff

By Niko SiMamu

Rated M (ooh)

Sequel Time!

Chapter 15: Beer Beasts

Sasuke pulled out a cigarette and inhaled it and then exhaled it. He coughed and threw the cigarette to the ground.

"I prefer candy cigarette smoking, real smoking is f**ked up!" he coughed.

"Who are you talking to?" Suigetsu asked as he walked into the Uchiha compound's garden where Sasuke was attempting to smoke.

"You know" Sasuke replied.

"Your imaginawy fwiend?" Suigetsu said as if he were talking to a child.

"F**k you" Sasuke replied.

"Hey, Sakura's called upon us" Zed shouted at the two.

"Why?" Sasuke asked.

"I dunno, apparently it's some wedding emergency to something" Zed replied.

"Yeah" Suigetsu added.

()

"I have a f**king spot on my forehead a week before my wedding" Sakura yelled at them.

"A week?" Sasuke spurted as his water shot out his mouth at Suigetsu's face.

"Thanks mate" Suigetsu replied in a sarcastic tone as he wiped his face with his arm.

"Yeah, didn't you know?" Sakura asked, everyone ignoring Suigetsu.

"When did you get engaged?" Sasuke asked.

"A couple of months ago" Sakura replied.

"I just can't get my head round this, you and Rock Lee? Seriously, after years of rejection… what about Naruto? You rejected him loads too" Sasuke pointed out.

"Yeah, but Hinata likes him so I don't want to upset her" Sakura replied.

"Hinata likes me?" Naruto questioned like it was the first he'd heard of it.

"Wwwwoooowwwww, you're dumb, Naruto" Sasuke said.

"Screw you, Sasuke – I'm not dumb, prick" Naruto moaned.

"Anyway, just leave it, Sasuke" Sakura replied.

"Fine" he muttered and looked away.

They were at a pub or bar - nothing too fancy, dark walls and green carpets, poker table in another room and a television broadcasting sport.

"Can we smoke here?" Sasuke asked.

"No, but smoking a candy cigarette doesn't count" Tsume replied.

Sasuke blinked at him blandly and muttered something like "fruckin frickhead".

"Love you too, dear" Tsume said sarcastically.

Sasuke pulled out a candy cigarette and then glared at Tsume who smiled and winked at him. Sasuke clicked his finger and the candy cigarette lit.

"Oi, no smoking!" the bartender shouted.

"Don't worry, it's only a candy cigarette" Tsume replied.

"You what? Mate, you havin' a laugh, I'll boot you out if you are?"

"No, for real" Tsume replied.

"Alright, but if I smell even a whiff of smoke you're all outta here" the bartender threatened.

"Okay" Tsume replied calmly.

()

"You're a bloody pillock, Sasuke" Tsume informed Sasuke as they left the bar. Sakura had left earlier to deal with her 'problem', leaving only Naruto, Tsume, Sasuke, Suigetsu and Zed.

"I'm a what?" Sasuke asked.

"'Heard some English guy say it" Tsume replied.

"And yet you know what it means?" Sasuke questioned.

"Yop," Tsume informed, "can't believe you got us kicked out for somehow producing smoke from a _**candy **_cigarette."

"Sometimes I accidentally produce small fire balls" Sasuke replied.

"Um…. Guys…" Naruto piped up.

"Pipe down, you bloody pillock" Sasuke shouted.

"But…" Naruto whined.

"Oh, so now you're using it?" Tsume interrupted.

"Bloody listen!" Naruto shouted.

Theo the two went silent and gave him an 'oh, no, you di'unt?' look. But he replied with a look 'oh, yeah, I did'.

"Look" Naruto said and pointed in the direction of an alley where their creatures buddies lerked.

"Oh, for fuck's sake" Sasuke muttered.

The creatures strolled over to them with bared teeth and drool seeping down, 'pitter pattering' on the ground.

"I thought Orochimaru was in jail" Naruto said.

"I thought we'd killed all of these" Tsume replied.

"Guess we were both wrong" Naruto said.

"Guess so" Tsume agreed.

"What do we do?" Suigetsu asked.

"Smash 'em" Sasuke replied as he performed the hand movements of the chidori – without luck.

"Dude, nothing's happening" Suigetsu stated.

"No s**t, Sherlock" Sasuke replied.

"Maybe these things have some jutsu negating power set up" Zed pondered.

"So what now?" Naruto asked.

"We run" Tsume asked.

And they did so to the tune of Scooby-Doo, where are you.

()

"I just remembered something – being drunk affects your jutsus" Naruto said.

"Also affects your imagination" Tsume stated.

"What you saying?" Sasuke said.

"I'm not sure – I'm drunk" Tsume replied.

"Bloody hell" Sasuke muttered.

Naruto looked back and found that they were nowhere to be seen and stopped and continued to look back with a confused face – that's right, he had his confused face on. At least it was pretty sure this was what his confused face looked like.

"Why are you stopping?" Tsume asked, and stopped also.

"There's nothing chasing us anymore, there are no pounding feet behind us" Naruto replied.

"Maybe they saw a civilian and went for them" Sasuke suggested.

"S**t" Zed replied.

"Do we go back?" Suigetsu asked.

"Well, it's our duty to protect the civilians of Konoha" Tsume replied.

"So…?" Suigetsu said.

"YES!" Tsume shouted.

"Alrightey then" Suigetsu replied.

And so they jogged back but found no signs of screaming and when they asked a passer-by if they'd seen anything they just looked at them as if they were odd.

"So where is it?" Suigetsu asked.

"Is anyone else feeling kind of si- bllurgghh!" Naruto pondered as vomit erupted from his gob.

"Du- bllurrggghhh!" Suigetsu and Zed said as they vomited too.

"Bllugrrggh" Tsume erupted.

"Well, you guys should've watched your dri- bluurrgggghhh!" Sasuke said pompously until he met the same fate.

As the group erupted like that Family Guy scene until they all fell in their piles of vomit and went to sleep.

()

The fellas started to awaken to the soft comfy bed of hard rock and their own vomit… and apparently some dog s**t.

"Those mangy f**king dogs - why don't people pick up their dog's s**t?" Suigetsu moaned.

"Why do people have dogs in the first place, cats are a much better SMARTER (it's true, think about it – cats are smarter than dogs) pet" Tsume replied.

"Yeah, but your clan hate dogs" Sasuke reminded him.

"Within good reason – like this s**t" Tsume retorted.

"Wait, guys, what about that creature?" Zed reminded them.

"Oh, s**t, let's go see the damage it did while we were 'unconscious' and find out the casualties" Tsume said.

The fellas entered the streets of Konoha and were shocked by the horrors they saw – people going about their daily lives. Nothing severely more damaged then it was yesterday. No blood smears or people crying or any ninjas on the lookout for the creature. Tsume walked up to a passerby and asked:

"Um… what happened?" Tsume asked.

"What do you mean 'what happened'?" the person asked back.

"Well, there was a freak Orochimaru experiment creature on the loose…" Tsuem began as he saw a blank expression on the man's face, "… you have no idea what I'm talking about, do you?"

"Nope, son" the man replied.

"Um, fellas, wouldn't the creature have eaten us if it was on the loose? We were easy targets just lying there 'unconscious'?" Naruto reminded them.

"Shut up, Naruto" Sasuke replied.

"No, wait, he's right" Zed said.

"Naruto – right? Jesus Christ" Sasuke muttered.

"What can you guys remember from last night?" Zed asked, trying to put the pieces together.

"Bar, smoking, drinking, creature, running, blank" Naruto replied.

"And apparently there's something to do with vomit judging by this morning" Tsume added.

"Dang, did we get badly wasted last night and started hallucinating?" Zed asked rhetorically.

The same hallucination?" Sasuke reminded them.

"We've been a team a while now maybe we all think the same way somewhat" Suigetsu replied.

They all looked at him blankly like he was an idiot – which he most of the time is.

"You know – like girls' periods all synchronising when they all work whatever close together" Suigetsu added.

"Strangely enough, I think he's right" Zed said.

"Same" Tsume agreed.

"S**t" Sasuke murmured.

"S**t" Zed and Tsume agreed.

"Dang" Naruto said.

"We got f**ked last night!" Suigetsu said, shaking his head.

"Yeah" Tsume agreed.

"S**t" Sasuke murmured once more.

"S**t" Tsume agreed once more.


End file.
